A few years ago, I entered college with a dream of becoming a doctor. I can still remember the exhilaration I felt almost eight years ago, when I received the news that I was accepted into one of the top universities in the country. It was surreal then as it is now. I was dead set on someday donning a white laboratory coat, stethoscope slung around my neck and a matching name plate affixing “MD” after my surname. That was my dream—and I finally had a ticket of achieving it.
Entering college was an experience I would never trade, ever. I was surrounded by people from all walks of life, from different parts of the country and with diverse intellect and personality one can handle in his lifetime. We were all smart, definitely and we all wanted one thing: we wanted to graduate. And the institution that catered our then idealistic minds provided an atmosphere that supported freedom in all of its aspects. Professors and teachers challenged us to think outside the box, to go beyond our comforting beliefs in the pursuit of knowledge. The university equipped us with academic freedom, the ability to think and express our ideas openly; but it also taught us tolerance and acceptance for those with differing philosophies. And by instilling this sense of freedom, tertiary education taught us to think and breathe for the people. More importantly, it taught us service to those whom we owe most—everyone. Servitude to everyone who needs it regardless of gender, class, social stature and religion. College prepared us for the most important profession there is: to become functional and worthy citizens of society.
As I look back, I came to realize that the knowledge imparted by books and professors is not enough for one to graduate. I admit that part of my shortcomings back then was because of complacency and naiveté. It turns out that one cannot rely on his smarts alone in this life. Internal arrogance—the intrinsic belief that because you are treated as though you are above others you don’t have to work hard, is deadlier than being boastful. It makes you disillusioned and lose your grip on reality. And when you lose your grasp on what is real, you fail. You fail hard. Faced with challenges, I began to falter miserably. You see failure was not something I was accustomed to during my early years and it was a totally alien concept. I didn’t know how to handle it. And when failure mounts up, it begins to destroy one’s character and question his self-worth. Regrettably, I lacked the courage back then to face failure head on. I began to surrender and I lost sight of what I wanted, my dream. I lost my passion and I quit school; an action that affected me deeply up until this day.
The good thing about failure is that it’s a big slap on one’s face when it hits you. Failure is like a necessary needle popping your balloon of ego in the hopes that you don't float yourself away from the reality of everything around you. It makes you grounded and aware how human you are in this world, just like everybody else. And when you realize that everybody fails at one point, you regain strength to start working on your way back up. After I quit school, I began to work as a call center agent. I met a number of interesting people who inspired me in one way or another. I learned a lot of technical knowledge, people skills, work ethics—but that's a whole different story. It was definitely an enjoyable ride and earning tons of money did help me forget my past. But you never forget your past, especially if you left it unfinished. Money will not make you forget what your passion is. After years of immersing myself to the daily routines of my job, I became bored and unchallenged. I began to feel like a soulless automaton that was programmed to do the same exact thing over and over again. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not saying being an agent means that your work is boring as hell. The call center job is a demanding and challenging profession and I have a lot of respect for the people in this field. The reason why I felt discontented is because what I was doing is not where my passion is. Although I was in a way helping people, it was not in the way I want to; it was indirect and it lacked personal touch. I realized I want to get involved in people’s lives as much as possible. My unfinished past kept reminding me that my purpose is to work towards the development of my community. I began to understand that helping people will simply not cut it—I have to serve them.
When I reminisce my college days, I feel a mixture of regret and appreciation. Had I summoned enough courage to face my academic demons back then, I would have earned a decent degree that would have helped me achieve my dream. Had I stuck it out a few more years I would’ve been living my passion right now. Had I held on for a minute longer, had I studied hard enough for the exams, had I not been too arrogant in myself I could’ve...As I think about the many “should haves” of my college life and the equally numerous “could haves” that might have brought me to my possible future, I realize that one’s course in life is determined by his actions, not by his traits alone. Intellect, if uncoupled by determined actions will not get you anywhere. Complacency often leads to a sense of intellectual arrogance. Arrogance consequently leads to downfall. I learned that the hard way—through failure. But it’s no use wallowing in the past. What’s more important is how to rediscover your passion and work towards it in the future.
As I think about it now, I wanted to become a doctor for all the wrong reasons. I wanted a profession that would validate a self-perception of being smart. Being a doctor commanded respect from people. It warranted admiration because of the prestige that comes along with its title. When you say you’re a doctor, people look at you with awe, some to even a point of reverence. I wanted that for myself. Now as I think about it, it was very selfish and haughty of me to believe as such. It was very wrong. I was foolish. Being a doctor means you cure people and it is not only through your medical expertise or through a white laboratory coat and a stethoscope. Being a doctor means you heal people’s lives. You continuously work to make their lives better and that you can still be considered a doctor even if you do not have a medical degree under your belt. Being a doctor means you serve the people.
Failure reminded me what my passion is. It also taught me how to become human.
And it made me realize what I need to do.
 |
| I will serve the people. I promise. |
No comments:
Post a Comment