I knew right then and there that saying “I’ll miss you” and mindlessly waiting for your response was the end it…of something I kept for myself for a very long time.
It never occurred to me how badly I will miss you. Half of the sane man in me knew this day would come but I never realized that it will happen so soon. It’s like you know the ending of a very predictable movie but once you see that the happy-ever-after is over you never realized how or why it occurred. I have long told myself that you will one day, be gone, for you have been telling me this for the past months. It’s kinda silly for me to even encourage you to let go. I know it was the proper thing to do and it was your only ticket to happiness. I fooled myself to believe it was mine as well, that seeing you happy will make me happy too. I kept my selfishness in tact inside my outer covering of denial. Who was I to object?
It was a mystery for me from the beginning how and when I started feeling this way about you. There was no sign from up above, no epiphany, no moment of clarity or pre-emptive warning at all when this happened. Naturally, it just did. I began to notice the difference when I started to look forward to seeing you everyday; when every minute that we share talking to each other would seem like a snapshot frozen forever. I never wanted my day to end when I was with you but when it did, I so eagerly wait for the cycle to repeat itself the next day, and the next, until it became a vicious habit I have grown accustomed to. I always feel excited when I’m hearing your stories about life, your frustrations and your dreams, for we share the same insights on most things. I knew I was in too deep when I began to need the intent look in your eyes when you look through me to try to reach out for my theories. It was like someone searching for a soul, my soul. I never met a person like that before. At first I only wanted to heal you from your pain or make you forget them for a little while or at least when I’m here. I knew this was a long shot, but I didn’t care. As long as I can be there to ease you from your burdens I know I will be happy at one point.
I'll miss you. Don't you ever forget that.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Twenty Three New Things
I am officially twenty three. Well I don’t know about last year being the pinnacle but I think this past year became an important turning point in my life. I considered the year that was as the start of my wild glory days but everything happened in a blur. Last year, I gave thanks to all those who made my 22nd birthday special. Today, as I hit the 23rd mark I have listed down twenty three things new (that I personally have and some important people have pointed out) that were different from the AL that you would have met last year.
1. I smoke
2. I drink
3. I have three ear piercings and 4. I have a tattoo
-(for more information kindly refer to entry April 16 2009). Did both on the same day with my best friend as a celebration of the changes in my life. It felt really good.
-from being one of the top goody goody agents on the floor, I have learned to even the playing field with my customers. If at the first 2 minutes and you sound like an a**hole, i'll be more than willing to put you on hold for eternity until you drop the call, transfer you to an Indian rep or to release your call. Goodluck on dialing the number again and waiting for ages to get the next rep. If you're a jerk customer i'll be a bigger jerk agent and you won't get anything from me. (Pero if mabait ka naman, kahit 3 hours tayo sa phone walang problema basta maayaos ang problema mo)
10. I practice EOP (English Only Policy) even after work
11. I stopped going to Yahoo® Chat rooms
14. I really abandoned my dreams of becoming an aspiring a U.P. Pharmacy graduate
15. I became less and less of an internet junkie
-When my internet connection is brand new it was like surfing like there's no tomorrow. But now, since I have ran of websites to go to ( I don't know that many) and simply because I can't find the time, the only one happy that we have an internet connection is my older sister.
16. I became more open minded-more open minded than I was in college, since you get to meet more and more people as you grow older you learn to accept their flaws and their personality.
17. I am a bum
-or I will become a bum in less than a week as the 30-day effectivity of my resignation date comes closer. When you work 40 hours a week I think you earn the right to be a bum. (at least for a day or two)
18. I go out more with friends-Live like there's no tomorrow. Cherish your friends today. Life is too short to stay at home. Party with friends. You don't know if they're still there to stick around tomorrow. (Huskies Friends, Tonio Go, Kamikami, The Brotherhood....all you need are good friends to get through life)
19. I became less and less up-to-date with current mainstream music
-unlike when I was in college when MYX was god. Right now, there simply isn't enough time to listen to new music. The only time I get to hear new music is when I hear it on the bus or when I think my ipod playlist song is outdated.
20. I became more and more laid back with life
-one important thing I have learned this year to simply sit back and enjoy life. Let the pieces fall where they may. Life is too short to stress out much.
21. I think of sex less often
-not enough time. enough said. LOL
22. I appreciate the value of my earnings.
-when you ran out of cash due to excessive mall trips and partying you learn the lesson of valuing money. You learn the lesson the hard way. And since you're working yourself to the bones, you become more and more aware that it took you 8 frustratingly long calls to buy the cool shirt that you really don't need.
23. I feel more responsible on the choices I make everyday.
-beause I think I'm getting old, and I am. hehe
1. I smoke-(for the whole gory detials, please read Operation Nicotine entry on May 1 2009) The habit started with Marlboro Green Menthol (for wusses), gradually progressing to Marlboro Lights (commoner for call center agents) then settling to Marlboro Reds (the "manly" cigarette as I deem it, though Tan said it's for tricycle drivers, I really don't care) to my rare inclination to Gudang Garam. It's not actually an addiction yet as I can stop at will and I can go on for weeks or days withouht a puff.
-started with San Mig Light. I hated the taste of beer at first but I got used to it eventually. I really like "hard" drinks more, like all the "-dors" known to man, (Gran Matador, Fundador, Emeperador, etc) courtesy of our drinking escapades in Hadasah's house. Hard drinks are sweeter and has more lasting effect on me than beer. And who needs a chaser? haha Most recently though I grew quite fond of Red Horse (kasi ang mahal na ng hard eh). The sweet bittery taste of the ice-cold golden liquid slides down your throat after a long hard day at work is all you need to wash the stress away.
3. I have three ear piercings and 4. I have a tattoo
-(for more information kindly refer to entry April 16 2009). Did both on the same day with my best friend as a celebration of the changes in my life. It felt really good.5. I use profanity in every single sentence
-not surprising being a call center agent. When you get to talk to stupid and racist idiots on the phone for 8 hours (or more) 5 days a week (or more) you adapt a subconsious sense of hostility that even the littlest of things would make you utter blasphemy. This is a bad thing and I know I should totally eradicate it from my system.(are you f*ck*ng kidding me? what kind of an a**hole would do that?! LOL)
6. I have become such an a**hole agent
-from being one of the top goody goody agents on the floor, I have learned to even the playing field with my customers. If at the first 2 minutes and you sound like an a**hole, i'll be more than willing to put you on hold for eternity until you drop the call, transfer you to an Indian rep or to release your call. Goodluck on dialing the number again and waiting for ages to get the next rep. If you're a jerk customer i'll be a bigger jerk agent and you won't get anything from me. (Pero if mabait ka naman, kahit 3 hours tayo sa phone walang problema basta maayaos ang problema mo)
7. My female appreciation skills are a bit heightened
-thanks to Aldous peripheral vision skills and his "clock-hand technique",I have acquired a more sensible appreciation of the fairer sex. I only look lang naman, I never touch, well not yet. hehe
8. I have collected jackets
-I think I got this habit out of Tristan. I used to wear a blanket on the floor if the temperature suddenly falls into freezing point, but eversince I've known Tan, I've acquired his habit of buying jackets with hoodies (and still wear the jacket even after shift). I dunno. I thought the jackets looked kinda nice. :)
9. I have developed an instant craving for Starbucks® Chocolate Cream Chip Frappe or Raspberry Frappuccino
-since the only main hang-out place in the building where my work was recently rellocated to is Starbucks (next to 7/11), this shouldn't come as a surprise. I used to detest Starbucks and I strongly believed that the coffee wasn't good at all and the hefty price is just because of the name. Apparently, its still true but since some of my new friends are addicted to it and since I really don't much of a choice we have entry number 9.10. I practice EOP (English Only Policy) even after work -subconsiouly! Before, I had NEAOP (No English After Office Policy) but speaking in English comes so naturally that I sometimes forget that the person whom I'm speaking to is not in the same industry as I am. Rest assure, I'll do my best to minimize this. It's not yet drastic to the point that I'm conversing in English even with manong driver and manang kwekwek. LOL. Hindi pa naman.
11. I stopped going to Yahoo® Chat rooms-I hardly go to chat rooms anymore simply because I do not have the time. When I was in training before (which ends at around 1 AM) I was able to go online when I get home and go to MMB6 in Yahoo Chatrooms where my cyberfriends are but since I have a different schedule now I can't.
12. I abuse my older siblings more for money
-especially my older brother. If my paycheck isn't enough to cover my partying expenses, there's always my ever trusty big brother to ask money from. hehehe
13. I am considering on finding “the one”
-Since everyone is curious as to why I haven't found a girlfriend yet, we have entry number 13 to shut them all up.
-who am I kidding? 2 years AWOL+ X years MRR in this school with the hopes of still finishing my degree? That's a first! Maybe someday I will finish my Pharmacy course, but it would be in a different school. I don;t know yet. I simply just can't let go of work now as I'm expected to contribute to my family's dire financial needs. Who needs UP anyway? It's just a school. Maybe a degree in business...I don't know yet.
-When my internet connection is brand new it was like surfing like there's no tomorrow. But now, since I have ran of websites to go to ( I don't know that many) and simply because I can't find the time, the only one happy that we have an internet connection is my older sister.
16. I became more open minded-or I will become a bum in less than a week as the 30-day effectivity of my resignation date comes closer. When you work 40 hours a week I think you earn the right to be a bum. (at least for a day or two)
18. I go out more with friends-unlike when I was in college when MYX was god. Right now, there simply isn't enough time to listen to new music. The only time I get to hear new music is when I hear it on the bus or when I think my ipod playlist song is outdated.
-one important thing I have learned this year to simply sit back and enjoy life. Let the pieces fall where they may. Life is too short to stress out much.
-not enough time. enough said. LOL
-when you ran out of cash due to excessive mall trips and partying you learn the lesson of valuing money. You learn the lesson the hard way. And since you're working yourself to the bones, you become more and more aware that it took you 8 frustratingly long calls to buy the cool shirt that you really don't need.
23. I feel more responsible on the choices I make everyday.
-beause I think I'm getting old, and I am. hehe
So lads there you have it! Twenty-three new things about me to hate or to celebrate this year.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Operation Nicotine
There I was, sitting outside our locked front door as I watched how the rain splattered on the empty green cigarette box which I just threw out a couple of minutes ago. The very green box, which maybe a couple of years ago I detested so much, is now sitting on the ground covered in rain. A few inches beside it was my second to the last stick of cigarette, or probably the remains of it which is now a burnt cigarette butt whose flames slowly died as water lay on top of it. I noticed how weak fire is against water and how weak I am to be lured in to this temptation. But it wasn’t always like this. I was very strong, well that was before.I remembered how I got acquainted with cigarette smoking just a few months ago. For everyone who knew me well until now, they probably know that my bony structure could have easily fooled anyone that I was smoking while in fact the very thought of second hand smoke touching my nostrils is the last thing I wanted to smell. I hated smoking so much, and I hated innocent bystanders like myself being dragged into lung cancer’s deathly toll due to second hand smoke even more. I reasoned that if someone was to kill himself thru lung cancer would be fine by me, as long as they not breathe second hand smoke against my way; that is how I harmoniously co-existed with cigarettes before. I couldn’t give a damn about YOUR future lung cancer problems as long as you don’t drag me into it. Having been bombarded with medical pictures and slides of lungs before and after years of cigarette smoking thanks to my medical course, I knew I was smart enough to even consider the slight possibility of smoking. Me? Smoking? I’d rather gargle liquid nitrogen. Or so I thought.
I hadn’t had the faintest idea why my line of work is always equated with smoking. Some say it’s because of the stress level due to being harassed constantly by racist Caucasian idiots while some say it’s because of the cold night time shift that is associated with working in this industry. For the past two years that I’ve been working, I was always surrounded by smokers of all shapes and sizes and it didn’t bother me at all. Some heavy chain smokers, "Dragons" as I call them and some who just smoke because they want to fit in and look cool I presume. I wouldn’t be one of these people, I promised myself, not in a million years. But again, like I always say it, shit happens and life fucks up in the most unexpected, surprisingly beautiful way. Some things drive you over to the edge and you seek comfort in the warmth of the nearest possible source of sanity you can get your hands on. Good things, bad things, it doesn’t matter as long as they keep your sanity well in tack. We're only humans. I’m only human anyway. I have the license to be weak at one point and I am expected to be lured into temptation. I will always remember that night I started, wait rephrase that, I decided that I want to smoke.
I was 30 minutes late when I arrived at work that night but I didn’t know why. I took the precautions to be early as I always do and it took me so much effort to get to work. Two and half hours of travel should be well enough to be allotted but because the universe conspired against me that fateful night I was late. This injustice, added with weeks and weeks of layered stress, disappointment and frustration being constantly hurled at me had finally taken its toll. I decided I had enough. My face still fills with anger every time I think of that night because I knew I was stressed enough then to have a nervous breakdown. For the past weeks everything around didn’t seem and felt right. I don’t know if I’m just exaggerating things then but I knew I was very upset that night. Upset about everything. And I was alone.
After arriving at work late, sleepless and looking like shit I decided to hit the nearby convenience store first to buy some bottled water, a habit I have grown accustomed to ever since the company moved into that freaking location. I’m late anyway and a few more minutes of salary deduction wouldn’t actually hurt me. Out of the blue I said to the store clerk who’s actually a buddy of mine that I also want a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. It was like an automatic robotic response when I paid the bill. I remember how surprised he was when I said that because he knew that my work buddies smoked but not me. Al, who still looks like a goodie goody nerd fresh out from college would never ever smoke, not in a million years. But things changed that night.
After that I walked straight up to the side of the company lot, a secluded area, and stared at the cigarette box. My enemy for so many years is now lying into my hands...inviting me. With trembling hands, I tore the plastic wrapping, feeling dumber every second since I didn’t know where to find the right place to start tearing. After successfully opening it, I remember my buddies methodically tap the cigarette butt several times against the back of their hand before they smoke it to pack the weeds inside evenly. I did the same. I took the lighter and put the cigarette on my mouth close to the flame. As expected of a first timer, I burned my opposable thumb. I looked so stupid and felt so stupid at the same time. But I was able to muster a light laugh since I was happy. Years of revulsion toward this habit suddenly grew insignificant as hatred grew into curiosity. What is it with this medically-abhorred custom that lures people into it? I was about to find out. I tried it again but it was so windy that night that the lighter was not even close to being cooperative. I smiled. It was harder than I thought. I cupped my hands to protect my flame and tried it again. Third time’s the charm as they say. My cigarette did start to emit small smokes as I huff to keep the flames going. Right on, I think we’re in business.
The smoke tasted terrible in my mouth as I puffed it out. I tried it again but still the same bitter chemical taste. It wasn’t long before I finished two sticks and went up to feel the wrath of my supervisor for being late. I have to admit my first experience wasn’t all too peachy, it was actually terrible. So terrible in fact that I swear not to do it again. But maybe I was doing it all wrong. So after more couple of attempts alone I started to feel the sweet chemical taste of it. I found out that you have to deeply inhale it so that the smoke gets to your throat, down your air passages and out your nostrils. It was warm, very warm as the carbon monoxide smoke soothes my air passages. Exhaling it was the fun part because it’s fun to see breathing out a constant pillar of smoke. It’s like a feeling like you’re suddenly unbreakable. As I puff out smoke all I can say in my head is “Screw you world! I’m smoking and there’s nothing you can do stop me!” The warm feeling of smoke through the bridge of my nose to my lip was what I needed then to relax, to calm my edging nerves and to be sane at that time. Irresponsible, I thought, as I can see every disappointing face of my friends and my family if they knew what I have done. As I finished smoking I felt relaxed for the first time in a few weeks, a bit nauseous though because of the taste. My surrounding is swirling in my head. I hope I’m not going to puke. But amidst the blur of the images around me, suddenly everything seems to be slower, clearer and more visible. That’s how I feel after I smoke. My head feels so light but everything around me seems to be going in slow motion, like asking me to stop take note of every detail. After smoking I see clarity, which I usually need to fight my way through shit life throws at me.
As I sat looking on the now drenched cigarette box I remember the different responses I received when people started to find out I was smoking. At first I never smoked in front of my work friends or anybody else for that matter because I didn’t want them to change their image of me, the goody goody boy who would do nothing wrong. I always smoked alone because the last thing I wanted is for people to think I’m doing it to look cool, or to project a bad boy image, or to fit in. I smoke because I decided I want to; which is why it always irks me when people, once they find out, suddenly make a big deal out of it and ask me If I have a serious problem I need to talk about or if this is part of a late teenage rebellion that they missed out. I just let out an exasperated sigh because it’s hard to explain in detail the reason behind this new “rebellious” act of mine. I don’t have to explain to anyone anyway.
As I decided to light my last cigarette stick sitting outside our front door and looking at the rain splattering the pavement, I also thought if this would grow into a sick habit. I shuddered as the medical images of burnt lungs fresh from medical books ran a slideshow into my head.
Nah.
I know better when to stop and how to stop anyway. That I can promise to myself.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My Resignation Letter
May 15 2009
Raymond Galapon
Program Manager
Sutherland Global Services
Total Corporate Center, Taguig City Philippines
Dear Sir:
This is to formally announce my resignation from my current position as a Customer Service Representative for the PayPal North America account effective today, May 15 2009.
In light of this situation and as per mandated by the rules and regulations I had signed upon joining this company I am required to give thirty (30) days of notice starting on the date specified which should provide the company ample time to transfer my responsibilities to another employee.
Although my time with the PayPal North America account has been, on the whole, quite satisfying and productive, for a while now I have become less satisfied with the work situation mainly because of the new location of the company which is making it increasingly difficult for me to be productive and accomplish goals set by the account. Please feel free to keep in touch any time should you have any questions regarding this matter.
My experience with Sutherland Global Services and with PayPal North America has been very worthwhile. I appreciate having had the opportunity to work with your company and I wish you and the organization continued success.
Sincerely,
AXXXXXXXX (My Name, X'ed out for decency purposes)
Block XXXXXXX (My address)
+63917XXXXXXX (my cellphone number, as pointed out naka-globe ako)
XXXXXXXXX@suth.com; XXXX@tpa.ebay.com (my company email)
April 16 2009
I woke up this morning feeling uneasy in the lower part of my abdomen. It’s not pain that I felt but a slight discomfort. Everytime my shirt or undergarment would touch that area the cloth sticks with the skin. Everytime my skin stretches around that spot, part of the black ink moves along with the flesh. Amidst the red blotches on the skin, the black ink stain leftovers and blood marks is an intricate pattern of lines and curves of what I define as an accomplishment: my first tattoo. My left ear then suddenly felt itchy. As I tried to scratch it I noticed that one of my ears has grown heavier than the other. When my hands touched that area I felt something hard touch my skin: round, cold and hard. The weird thing is as I moved my hands higher on my left earlobe I noticed that there are two more round and hard steel earrings on my ear. When I felt all three of them I also felt a tinge of pain, though not the usual pathological unbearable pain that you usually complain about. Instead the pain felt normal and necessary. It felt good.
I suddenly remembered how I used to look like two years ago: tall lanky guy with black, short neatly-combed hair, pseudo-eyeglasses to make him feel more intellectual than he already is; average looking, geeky yet enthusiastic and idealistic with the promises of his future. The guy I see myself in the mirror now I think is the same lanky guy I used to know although he has longer, dishelved brown hair with eyebags the size of pingpong balls. In his face is also a slight indication of his laziness to shave. He has three piercings on his left ear. When he lifts his shirt, an inch below is navel is a black tribal tattoo, not the petty henna ones you get as a remembrance on your beach escapades but a permanent, painful one. His face shows weariness and exhaustion but it also shows maturity and wisdom. Not knowledge but wisdom. His face shows that he is no longer the guy two-years ago who worries if he’s gonna do well or if he’s gonna pass his test or if he has done the required pre-laboratory work next day. He is no longer the guy who envisions himself as wearing a sablay and becoming a successful doctor ten years from now, like everyone expected him to be, like he expected himself to be. Today, when he looks at his face in the mirror he recognizes someone who is working for money, who has obligations to his family, who has to be, by choice and birthright be responsible. His obligations and priorities then are worlds different from what he values now.
I have changed. A lot. I don’t know if it’s better or for worse.
Who cares?
I will forever remember yesterday, April 16 2009 as the date of my emancipation.
Note: Thanks to my bestfriend who shared that day with me. Another story we’ll be telling our kids in the near future. Sabay tayong nagpatuli, sabay din tayong nagpatato. Astig.
I suddenly remembered how I used to look like two years ago: tall lanky guy with black, short neatly-combed hair, pseudo-eyeglasses to make him feel more intellectual than he already is; average looking, geeky yet enthusiastic and idealistic with the promises of his future. The guy I see myself in the mirror now I think is the same lanky guy I used to know although he has longer, dishelved brown hair with eyebags the size of pingpong balls. In his face is also a slight indication of his laziness to shave. He has three piercings on his left ear. When he lifts his shirt, an inch below is navel is a black tribal tattoo, not the petty henna ones you get as a remembrance on your beach escapades but a permanent, painful one. His face shows weariness and exhaustion but it also shows maturity and wisdom. Not knowledge but wisdom. His face shows that he is no longer the guy two-years ago who worries if he’s gonna do well or if he’s gonna pass his test or if he has done the required pre-laboratory work next day. He is no longer the guy who envisions himself as wearing a sablay and becoming a successful doctor ten years from now, like everyone expected him to be, like he expected himself to be. Today, when he looks at his face in the mirror he recognizes someone who is working for money, who has obligations to his family, who has to be, by choice and birthright be responsible. His obligations and priorities then are worlds different from what he values now.
I have changed. A lot. I don’t know if it’s better or for worse.
Who cares?
I will forever remember yesterday, April 16 2009 as the date of my emancipation.
Note: Thanks to my bestfriend who shared that day with me. Another story we’ll be telling our kids in the near future. Sabay tayong nagpatuli, sabay din tayong nagpatato. Astig.Friday, April 10, 2009
Of Late Teenage Rebellion
When I got home my dad told me “You smell like an ashtray son. Are you smoking now?” I didn’t have the guts to answer him “Yes dad I’m a smoker now. Do you have a light?” Instead I lied and said “No, I just hang-out with smokers, that’s why I smell like cigarette leftovers.” I didn’t want him to think that his youngest son, once the epitome of Boy Scout ideals is now a smoker, a drinker and an occasional gambler. A few weeks ago I got so drunk at one of our after office-hours drinking sessions that I have to call my older brother to come pick me up at Quezon Avenue because I felt like I wasn’t gonna live ‘til the next day. When we got home all I remember was the front door of the restroom and the next thing was waking up to a bad case of a hang-over. Lately I noticed that most things have changed. I use profanity in every single sentence, I drink, I smoke (occasionally), I gamble and I go out at the wee hours of the morning. Some might call this normal as most people do them once they hit puberty but not in my case. While most of teenagers my age were out drinking and partying I was too busy studying. Not that my parents forced me into becoming an academic cyborg but I did have a normal happy childhood. I wasn’t forced by anyone to excel in becoming a nerd. It was my choice and my choice alone. My priorities then were to excel, get into a good school and be successful like everyone expects of me. But shit happens. Life fucks up in the most unexpected way and things don’t turn out the way you imagine them to be.
When I jokingly asked my mom a few days ago that I would get my ears pierced and I would get a tattoo on my neck I felt like she was going to die of a heart attack. I know that getting your ears pierced is no big of a deal for most people my age but I was threatened of being disowned by my own family if I do something “stupid” like that. In light of that question my mom said in verbatim “I don’t want to see your shadow step into my house if you do something stupid like that.” Fine, I’ll just live by my own then. Seriously people, it’s just an earring. "Nagrerebelde ka na ba? (Are you rebelling?)", my brother asked me. I didn’t know what and how to answer him. Am I being rebellious? I don’t know, am I? Is this what people call “teen rebellion”? For Christ’s sake people don’t you think it’s a little too late for that? Geez I’m already 22! (An adult by legal definition) I know the underlying consequences of my actions so spare me the lecture.
Everyone goes into a phase in their lives when they want to be a different person, to try things they have never done before, to be different. Some experience this once they hit puberty; others call it their “midlife crisis” while a few have this yearning to do crazy things before they die. That’s just how humans are: we constantly change and we crave for change. Change can be taken into different forms, a new hobby, a different profession, a new life partner or a fresh new image. It can either be tagged as positive, productive and healthy or be viewed as something crazy, stupid or rebellious, like in my case. But that just it: it’s just CHANGE. For me this is happening at this point in my life. I couldn’t care less if some people would say that it’s a form of rebellion, because first of all IT’S NOT. I'm not doing these things to defy authority or to express my heresy or blasphemy to the Supreme Ruler. For me it’s just a phase and there’s nothing more to it. I want to experience things I have never done before while I was at school or never had the guts to try when I was younger. I want to experience life, all the fun and shitty side of it. I want to get my ears pierced because I’ve been wanting that for the longest time but I never had the balls to endure the possible pain. I want to smoke albeit I know the dangers of nicotine to my bronchioles because I want to know what’s with cigarette smoking that allures people to the habit. I want to try drugs because I want to satisfy my insatiable curiosity and I want to know what it feels like and what makes them tick. Someday I might get a tattoo because I want to leave a mark on my body that probably signifies an important part or person in my life. I want to go out and drink like there’s no tomorrow and meet all types of people. I want to have fun. I want to live my life while I can. I want to try everything while I have the time, the luxury of money and the youth so when it comes to point of settling down, I can lecture my son about the good and bad side of things. I don’t want to live my life taking the boring straight path that everyone expects me to take; the fastest route from point A to point B. There are detours and stopovers along the way and who says you can’t get sidetracked every once in a while? What’s more important is you know how and when to get back on track. Once you have done it then you can say to yourself “Heck! Been there and it was no fun.” or “I’ve done that and it was freaking awesome!” For now I live in these simplest rules: Live while you can. Have a life with no regrets. Try different things. These may be bad things but no one can deny that they’re still part of life. Have fun but know your limits. At the end of the day it’s still up to you if you will be consumed by these habits. Have the balls to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Sabi nga ng namayapang Heath Ledger sa Batman “Why so serious?” Have fun while you can.
Regarding my ear piercing, I haven’t done it yet since I can’t find the time and my friend and I are planning to do it together on one of our day offs so for now my mom can sleep soundly at night knowing that her youngest son is not a hippie drug addict. Well not yet.
And for Pete’s sake people hindi po ako nagrerebelde.
When I jokingly asked my mom a few days ago that I would get my ears pierced and I would get a tattoo on my neck I felt like she was going to die of a heart attack. I know that getting your ears pierced is no big of a deal for most people my age but I was threatened of being disowned by my own family if I do something “stupid” like that. In light of that question my mom said in verbatim “I don’t want to see your shadow step into my house if you do something stupid like that.” Fine, I’ll just live by my own then. Seriously people, it’s just an earring. "Nagrerebelde ka na ba? (Are you rebelling?)", my brother asked me. I didn’t know what and how to answer him. Am I being rebellious? I don’t know, am I? Is this what people call “teen rebellion”? For Christ’s sake people don’t you think it’s a little too late for that? Geez I’m already 22! (An adult by legal definition) I know the underlying consequences of my actions so spare me the lecture.
Everyone goes into a phase in their lives when they want to be a different person, to try things they have never done before, to be different. Some experience this once they hit puberty; others call it their “midlife crisis” while a few have this yearning to do crazy things before they die. That’s just how humans are: we constantly change and we crave for change. Change can be taken into different forms, a new hobby, a different profession, a new life partner or a fresh new image. It can either be tagged as positive, productive and healthy or be viewed as something crazy, stupid or rebellious, like in my case. But that just it: it’s just CHANGE. For me this is happening at this point in my life. I couldn’t care less if some people would say that it’s a form of rebellion, because first of all IT’S NOT. I'm not doing these things to defy authority or to express my heresy or blasphemy to the Supreme Ruler. For me it’s just a phase and there’s nothing more to it. I want to experience things I have never done before while I was at school or never had the guts to try when I was younger. I want to experience life, all the fun and shitty side of it. I want to get my ears pierced because I’ve been wanting that for the longest time but I never had the balls to endure the possible pain. I want to smoke albeit I know the dangers of nicotine to my bronchioles because I want to know what’s with cigarette smoking that allures people to the habit. I want to try drugs because I want to satisfy my insatiable curiosity and I want to know what it feels like and what makes them tick. Someday I might get a tattoo because I want to leave a mark on my body that probably signifies an important part or person in my life. I want to go out and drink like there’s no tomorrow and meet all types of people. I want to have fun. I want to live my life while I can. I want to try everything while I have the time, the luxury of money and the youth so when it comes to point of settling down, I can lecture my son about the good and bad side of things. I don’t want to live my life taking the boring straight path that everyone expects me to take; the fastest route from point A to point B. There are detours and stopovers along the way and who says you can’t get sidetracked every once in a while? What’s more important is you know how and when to get back on track. Once you have done it then you can say to yourself “Heck! Been there and it was no fun.” or “I’ve done that and it was freaking awesome!” For now I live in these simplest rules: Live while you can. Have a life with no regrets. Try different things. These may be bad things but no one can deny that they’re still part of life. Have fun but know your limits. At the end of the day it’s still up to you if you will be consumed by these habits. Have the balls to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Sabi nga ng namayapang Heath Ledger sa Batman “Why so serious?” Have fun while you can.
Regarding my ear piercing, I haven’t done it yet since I can’t find the time and my friend and I are planning to do it together on one of our day offs so for now my mom can sleep soundly at night knowing that her youngest son is not a hippie drug addict. Well not yet.
And for Pete’s sake people hindi po ako nagrerebelde.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
6 Little Things I Usually Notice When I Meet A Girl
I read somewhere in yahoo.com about this guy who pointed out four little things he notices when it comes to girls. As contrary to popular belief, a keen eye is not always for a straight guy but for a girl as well. People often think that women are the more observant type when it comes to relationships but little do they know that guys such as myself also keep 500GB RAM of pure unadulterated memory of the little things that we first notice upon contact of the fairer sex. I myself have some shares of observations and come to think about it, it really surprised me how I came with a long list of things that I usually notice about the women whom i meet. And to think that the guy who wrote the article iIread only noticed four! How weak, he musn't be paying attention closely. So to summarize I narrowed down my list to 6 little things, basic things I first notice when i meet a girl.
1. HER FEET. Shoe fettish? Hell no. I couldn't care less if you're wearing shoes made from burgundy unicorn leather or glass pixie shoes because it's not the footware that we notice but what's inside it, your feet. Clean feet and clean toenails mean good hygiene. Good hygiene means that if ever you and the girl ends up being together, she will not be the slob in the relationship and will be your constnat reminder to uphold the values cherished by DOH (as we all know since genetically speaking most men are too darn lazy. Polished nails or the color polish really doesn't matter as long as the nails are clean). Unpolished nails are even more noticeable, add perfectly pedicured and shaped toenails to your oh-so-delicate feet, that is definitely a hit with us guys.
Side note: I had my officemate introduce me to this really really hot girl whom I was already crushing (more like stalking) on the floor. Itong girl na 'to ang pambansang crush dahil sobrang cute niya talaga. Sa sobrang cute niya halos lahat kami sa team ay gustong burahin sa mapa yung boyfriend niyang kamukha ni Shrek. When I got the chance to meet her she was definitely a 12.5 on the scale 10 because she had this angelic face and sexy figure pero nung nameet ko siya upclose at napatingin ako sa baba (kasi mas matangkad ako sa kanya) napansin kong ang dumi ng kuko niya sa paa. Punyeta! Pwede na sana. Bummer talaga. Even my toenails look better than hers, and I rarely cut them! I mean perfect packaging from head to ankles, but her nails were so dirty that it threw me off. (Wow! ang yabang naman ni AL ahihihihi)
Since the issue of phallangeal cuticles has been brought up next on the list is:
2. HER FINGERNAILS. Of course who would want to put a ring on a dirty finger right? Beyonce forgot to add this friendly reminder to her current song I guess. I don't know about other guys but I usually prefer girls with short nails as opposed to those who grow them like they're grooming Lady Deathstrike's weapons of mass destructions. For me short nails signify good grooming habits. Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against those who want to keep their nails long. As what my friend said longer nails feel more sexy when they scratch you in bed but I'm not the type of guy; I'm more like your health-sanitation type-of-guy rather than a pornomasochist with twisted a nail fettish type-of-guy. Yeah nail color is fine as long the nails are clean, you can hold her hand all day long.
Side Note: Men usually notice this when they extend their hands to shake a girl's hands. First theyw ould notice how soft (or not so soft dahil sa dami ng kalyo niya wahehehe) her palms are then they get to see if she has clean fingernails. Clean fingernails = good hygiene = major turn on.
3. THE WAY SHE TOSSES HER HAIR. I don't know what's with shampoo commercials that really turns us on. There's just this magic when a girl flips her long silky black hair that makes the camera stop and revolve 360 and makes a guy, drool a bucket of saliva. I usually prefer girls with long hair because I'm a big fan of this female form of enchantment. I guess the long hair strengtens her feminine apprearance and the hair-flip-to-the-side movement brings out her grace and delicateness as a girl, I don't know ^____^. (Add this to NUMBER 4 and if you play your cards right you might end up bringing home a male servant who's willing to do anything with just a flip of your ooohhhhhhh sooooooo delicate and soft hair.)
Side Note: A guy usually notices this when they're into this really long conversation with a girl. When you find a really good topic, like a common interest that you can talk about together and in the middle of your conversation she suddenly lets out a killer hair flip, yes! That usually means that you're beginning to get her interest at nagpapacute siya, otherwise mahaba lang talaga yung buhok niya...hehehe. Usually the conversation goes like this
GUY: so you're into...[insert common interest topic here]?
GIRL: yeah!!! you too?!!
GUY: yeah!!! have you tried blah blah blah
[then after 10 minutes of conversation girl with really really long silky hair na parang araw araw nagpaparebond lets a killer flip and suddenly...tagush!!! guy suddenly becomes a zombie.]
GIRL: *giggles*[flips her hair to the other side] *giggles again*
[after 2 minutes of silence]
GUY: [stares in utter euphoria and seeing invisible stars]
GIRL: [notices that guy is nonresponsive] huuuyyy!!! bakit natahimik ka?
GUY: [wakes from day dream] ahhh........ehhh.......hahahaha....sa'n na nga ba tayo? (sabay ngiti abot hanggang tenga]
In combination to item number 3, we then go to:
4. HER GIGGLE. Ahhhh yes. How can we resist the vocal spelsl of the female giggle? This really drives us nuts when we hear a girl lets out a cute little giggle when we crack a joke or when wesay something funny. However, this should not be confused though with the common laugh wherein mouth wide open you bellow your heart out. The female laugh is funny but female giggle is even cuter and even harder to resist. Just imagine, seeing that angelic face puts on a half-smile with perfect pearly whites, nose crinkles a little bit, eyes reducing to mere half lines and then on top of that she lets out a soft, succession of repressed vocal harmonics to let you know somehow you hit her funny bone. Indeed a music to the male ears.
Side Note: My friends and I have gone through a debate on the definition of the perfect FEMALE giggle. After hours of careful scientific analysis we have come to a conclusion that the perfect female giggle is the one you commonly hear when you compliment a girl. Yung tipong mahinang tawa lang, tapos perfect smile na medyo naniningkit yung mata with matching sabi sa'yo ng"Kaw talaga!" in a cute, girly tone na para bang nang-aakit. Tapos may kasamang gentle na suntok sa balikat...hayyy.........hehe
5. HOW SHE TREATS SERVICE PEOPLE. This is very very crucial especially to those guys who go on constant dates. You girls might not notice but guys also observe how you treat service people especially in restaurants, fastfood chains and even department stores. Even when I accompany my girl friends in malls (read: girl SPACE friends meaning girl na friend) I always notice how they interact with the service crew. Rudeness in all forms is a big fat NO! This includes being verbally abusive or unnecessarily sarcastic with waiters, being too demanding with the cashier or giving a department store sales lady the stink eye. We have been taught since gradeschool about the almighty golden rule right?All guys want a girl who carries herself with proper breeding and class. You might be dating the next PBB Celebrity Teen Edition Female Winner but if she acts like a total bitch then chances are she'll be the next the girlfriend from hell.
SIDE NOTE: Since I work as a CSR madali ko talaga mapansin 'tong behaviour na'to. Meron akong nakita nung pumipila ako sa SM Fairview one time na babae na nakikipag-away and being too demanding with the sales lady. Ang pangit ng dating kasi napakapalengkera niya and out of her misplaced frustration she shouted "Ang Pangit Niyo!" to the sales lady and then stormed out. Take note: Hindi siya kagandahan! Potek! Ang pangit pangit niya! Naalala ko tuloy yung kanta ng Parokya na "Silvertoes" dahil swak sa kanya 'yun. Nung sinigawan niya yung mga sales lady gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, "Hoy Miss! Hindi mo sila pinapakain! Kala mo ba maganda ka?! Akala mo lang oo pero HINDE! Hinde! Hinde! Hindi rin naman ako gwapo, pero ka rin naman maganda no!" Always remember rudeness to service people = palengkera = not a good GF material and eventually will lead to a nagger wife.
lastly,
6. HER SCENT. This is where perfumes and pheromones come in. Different guys have different preferences when it comes to a girl's scent. Some it like it sexy, others citrusy, some like it fresh and natural, while others prefer signature branded perfumes. We could list down all scents and smells men like and it would be equivalent to a full-lenght book report but all it boils down to three things: (1) It should smell feminine (2) It's not too strong and (3) it leaves a lasting impression that even if the scent is gone you would be able to recognize and identify that particular scnet when you smell it again. My advise to girls: when you meet a guy you should smell nice because we associate your scent with our recollection of who you are. You dont want us to remember you like this: "Yeah I remember [insert girl's name here]. She was the one who smelled like a guy right?"
SIDE NOTE: Noong isang araw lang nang papasok ako sa work meron akong nakatabi na girl na hindi naman sobrang ganda, yun tipong ayos lang pero nung tumabi siya sa akin sa MRT...wow mhen! I can't help but notice how great she smelled. Combination ng bagong ligo plus female pheromones plus her perfume was just the right feminine delicate smell. Killer combo talaga. Hindi ko madistinguish yung pabango na gamit niya basta napaka-feminine ng amoy. She actually left a long lasting impression on my nasal memory and for that nagutom tuloy ako nung bumaba siya. The scent was indescribable but when you try to recpature the odor it brings along a warm fuzzy feeling inside with all them butterflies and them bees ya'll (ewww). Iba talaga yung effect nung kahit hindi masyado maganda yung girl pero kapag sobrang bango niya mapapa...ggggggrarrrrrr ka na lang bigla di ba?. Ang manyak ba ng dating? Hindi naman. :). Sabi nga ni pareng Edward sa Twilight.."it's your scent, it's like a drug to me". Oha!
So there. Those are the 6 things I notice when i meet a girl. I'll try to be more observant in the future so that we can make it at least up to 10.
1. HER FEET. Shoe fettish? Hell no. I couldn't care less if you're wearing shoes made from burgundy unicorn leather or glass pixie shoes because it's not the footware that we notice but what's inside it, your feet. Clean feet and clean toenails mean good hygiene. Good hygiene means that if ever you and the girl ends up being together, she will not be the slob in the relationship and will be your constnat reminder to uphold the values cherished by DOH (as we all know since genetically speaking most men are too darn lazy. Polished nails or the color polish really doesn't matter as long as the nails are clean). Unpolished nails are even more noticeable, add perfectly pedicured and shaped toenails to your oh-so-delicate feet, that is definitely a hit with us guys.
Side note: I had my officemate introduce me to this really really hot girl whom I was already crushing (more like stalking) on the floor. Itong girl na 'to ang pambansang crush dahil sobrang cute niya talaga. Sa sobrang cute niya halos lahat kami sa team ay gustong burahin sa mapa yung boyfriend niyang kamukha ni Shrek. When I got the chance to meet her she was definitely a 12.5 on the scale 10 because she had this angelic face and sexy figure pero nung nameet ko siya upclose at napatingin ako sa baba (kasi mas matangkad ako sa kanya) napansin kong ang dumi ng kuko niya sa paa. Punyeta! Pwede na sana. Bummer talaga. Even my toenails look better than hers, and I rarely cut them! I mean perfect packaging from head to ankles, but her nails were so dirty that it threw me off. (Wow! ang yabang naman ni AL ahihihihi)
Since the issue of phallangeal cuticles has been brought up next on the list is:
2. HER FINGERNAILS. Of course who would want to put a ring on a dirty finger right? Beyonce forgot to add this friendly reminder to her current song I guess. I don't know about other guys but I usually prefer girls with short nails as opposed to those who grow them like they're grooming Lady Deathstrike's weapons of mass destructions. For me short nails signify good grooming habits. Don't get me wrong though, I have nothing against those who want to keep their nails long. As what my friend said longer nails feel more sexy when they scratch you in bed but I'm not the type of guy; I'm more like your health-sanitation type-of-guy rather than a pornomasochist with twisted a nail fettish type-of-guy. Yeah nail color is fine as long the nails are clean, you can hold her hand all day long.
Side Note: Men usually notice this when they extend their hands to shake a girl's hands. First theyw ould notice how soft (or not so soft dahil sa dami ng kalyo niya wahehehe) her palms are then they get to see if she has clean fingernails. Clean fingernails = good hygiene = major turn on.
3. THE WAY SHE TOSSES HER HAIR. I don't know what's with shampoo commercials that really turns us on. There's just this magic when a girl flips her long silky black hair that makes the camera stop and revolve 360 and makes a guy, drool a bucket of saliva. I usually prefer girls with long hair because I'm a big fan of this female form of enchantment. I guess the long hair strengtens her feminine apprearance and the hair-flip-to-the-side movement brings out her grace and delicateness as a girl, I don't know ^____^. (Add this to NUMBER 4 and if you play your cards right you might end up bringing home a male servant who's willing to do anything with just a flip of your ooohhhhhhh sooooooo delicate and soft hair.)
Side Note: A guy usually notices this when they're into this really long conversation with a girl. When you find a really good topic, like a common interest that you can talk about together and in the middle of your conversation she suddenly lets out a killer hair flip, yes! That usually means that you're beginning to get her interest at nagpapacute siya, otherwise mahaba lang talaga yung buhok niya...hehehe. Usually the conversation goes like this
GUY: so you're into...[insert common interest topic here]?
GIRL: yeah!!! you too?!!
GUY: yeah!!! have you tried blah blah blah
[then after 10 minutes of conversation girl with really really long silky hair na parang araw araw nagpaparebond lets a killer flip and suddenly...tagush!!! guy suddenly becomes a zombie.]
GIRL: *giggles*[flips her hair to the other side] *giggles again*
[after 2 minutes of silence]
GUY: [stares in utter euphoria and seeing invisible stars]
GIRL: [notices that guy is nonresponsive] huuuyyy!!! bakit natahimik ka?
GUY: [wakes from day dream] ahhh........ehhh.......hahahaha....sa'n na nga ba tayo? (sabay ngiti abot hanggang tenga]
In combination to item number 3, we then go to:
4. HER GIGGLE. Ahhhh yes. How can we resist the vocal spelsl of the female giggle? This really drives us nuts when we hear a girl lets out a cute little giggle when we crack a joke or when wesay something funny. However, this should not be confused though with the common laugh wherein mouth wide open you bellow your heart out. The female laugh is funny but female giggle is even cuter and even harder to resist. Just imagine, seeing that angelic face puts on a half-smile with perfect pearly whites, nose crinkles a little bit, eyes reducing to mere half lines and then on top of that she lets out a soft, succession of repressed vocal harmonics to let you know somehow you hit her funny bone. Indeed a music to the male ears.
Side Note: My friends and I have gone through a debate on the definition of the perfect FEMALE giggle. After hours of careful scientific analysis we have come to a conclusion that the perfect female giggle is the one you commonly hear when you compliment a girl. Yung tipong mahinang tawa lang, tapos perfect smile na medyo naniningkit yung mata with matching sabi sa'yo ng"Kaw talaga!" in a cute, girly tone na para bang nang-aakit. Tapos may kasamang gentle na suntok sa balikat...hayyy.........hehe
5. HOW SHE TREATS SERVICE PEOPLE. This is very very crucial especially to those guys who go on constant dates. You girls might not notice but guys also observe how you treat service people especially in restaurants, fastfood chains and even department stores. Even when I accompany my girl friends in malls (read: girl SPACE friends meaning girl na friend) I always notice how they interact with the service crew. Rudeness in all forms is a big fat NO! This includes being verbally abusive or unnecessarily sarcastic with waiters, being too demanding with the cashier or giving a department store sales lady the stink eye. We have been taught since gradeschool about the almighty golden rule right?All guys want a girl who carries herself with proper breeding and class. You might be dating the next PBB Celebrity Teen Edition Female Winner but if she acts like a total bitch then chances are she'll be the next the girlfriend from hell.
SIDE NOTE: Since I work as a CSR madali ko talaga mapansin 'tong behaviour na'to. Meron akong nakita nung pumipila ako sa SM Fairview one time na babae na nakikipag-away and being too demanding with the sales lady. Ang pangit ng dating kasi napakapalengkera niya and out of her misplaced frustration she shouted "Ang Pangit Niyo!" to the sales lady and then stormed out. Take note: Hindi siya kagandahan! Potek! Ang pangit pangit niya! Naalala ko tuloy yung kanta ng Parokya na "Silvertoes" dahil swak sa kanya 'yun. Nung sinigawan niya yung mga sales lady gusto kong sabihin sa kanya, "Hoy Miss! Hindi mo sila pinapakain! Kala mo ba maganda ka?! Akala mo lang oo pero HINDE! Hinde! Hinde! Hindi rin naman ako gwapo, pero ka rin naman maganda no!" Always remember rudeness to service people = palengkera = not a good GF material and eventually will lead to a nagger wife.
lastly,
6. HER SCENT. This is where perfumes and pheromones come in. Different guys have different preferences when it comes to a girl's scent. Some it like it sexy, others citrusy, some like it fresh and natural, while others prefer signature branded perfumes. We could list down all scents and smells men like and it would be equivalent to a full-lenght book report but all it boils down to three things: (1) It should smell feminine (2) It's not too strong and (3) it leaves a lasting impression that even if the scent is gone you would be able to recognize and identify that particular scnet when you smell it again. My advise to girls: when you meet a guy you should smell nice because we associate your scent with our recollection of who you are. You dont want us to remember you like this: "Yeah I remember [insert girl's name here]. She was the one who smelled like a guy right?"
SIDE NOTE: Noong isang araw lang nang papasok ako sa work meron akong nakatabi na girl na hindi naman sobrang ganda, yun tipong ayos lang pero nung tumabi siya sa akin sa MRT...wow mhen! I can't help but notice how great she smelled. Combination ng bagong ligo plus female pheromones plus her perfume was just the right feminine delicate smell. Killer combo talaga. Hindi ko madistinguish yung pabango na gamit niya basta napaka-feminine ng amoy. She actually left a long lasting impression on my nasal memory and for that nagutom tuloy ako nung bumaba siya. The scent was indescribable but when you try to recpature the odor it brings along a warm fuzzy feeling inside with all them butterflies and them bees ya'll (ewww). Iba talaga yung effect nung kahit hindi masyado maganda yung girl pero kapag sobrang bango niya mapapa...ggggggrarrrrrr ka na lang bigla di ba?. Ang manyak ba ng dating? Hindi naman. :). Sabi nga ni pareng Edward sa Twilight.."it's your scent, it's like a drug to me". Oha!
So there. Those are the 6 things I notice when i meet a girl. I'll try to be more observant in the future so that we can make it at least up to 10.
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