Of Late Teenage Rebellion

When I got home my dad told me “You smell like an ashtray son. Are you smoking now?” I didn’t have the guts to answer him “Yes dad I’m a smoker now. Do you have a light?” Instead I lied and said “No, I just hang-out with smokers, that’s why I smell like cigarette leftovers.” I didn’t want him to think that his youngest son, once the epitome of Boy Scout ideals is now a smoker, a drinker and an occasional gambler. A few weeks ago I got so drunk at one of our after office-hours drinking sessions that I have to call my older brother to come pick me up at Quezon Avenue because I felt like I wasn’t gonna live ‘til the next day. When we got home all I remember was the front door of the restroom and the next thing was waking up to a bad case of a hang-over. Lately I noticed that most things have changed. I use profanity in every single sentence, I drink, I smoke (occasionally), I gamble and I go out at the wee hours of the morning. Some might call this normal as most people do them once they hit puberty but not in my case. While most of teenagers my age were out drinking and partying I was too busy studying. Not that my parents forced me into becoming an academic cyborg but I did have a normal happy childhood. I wasn’t forced by anyone to excel in becoming a nerd. It was my choice and my choice alone. My priorities then were to excel, get into a good school and be successful like everyone expects of me. But shit happens. Life fucks up in the most unexpected way and things don’t turn out the way you imagine them to be.

When I jokingly asked my mom a few days ago that I would get my ears pierced and I would get a tattoo on my neck I felt like she was going to die of a heart attack. I know that getting your ears pierced is no big of a deal for most people my age but I was threatened of being disowned by my own family if I do something “stupid” like that. In light of that question my mom said in verbatim “I don’t want to see your shadow step into my house if you do something stupid like that.” Fine, I’ll just live by my own then. Seriously people, it’s just an earring. "Nagrerebelde ka na ba? (Are you rebelling?)",  my brother asked me. I didn’t know what and how to answer him. Am I being rebellious? I don’t know, am I? Is this what people call “teen rebellion”? For Christ’s sake people don’t you think it’s a little too late for that? Geez I’m already 22! (An adult by legal definition) I know the underlying consequences of my actions so spare me the lecture.

Everyone goes into a phase in their lives when they want to be a different person, to try things they have never done before, to be different. Some experience this once they hit puberty; others call it their “midlife crisis” while a few have this yearning to do crazy things before they die. That’s just how humans are: we constantly change and we crave for change. Change can be taken into different forms, a new hobby, a different profession, a new life partner or a fresh new image. It can either be tagged as positive, productive and healthy or be viewed as something crazy, stupid or rebellious, like in my case. But that just it: it’s just CHANGE. For me this is happening at this point in my life. I couldn’t care less if some people would say that it’s a form of rebellion, because first of all IT’S NOT. I'm not doing these things to defy authority or to express my heresy or blasphemy to the Supreme Ruler. For me it’s just a phase and there’s nothing more to it. I want to experience things I have never done before while I was at school or never had the guts to try when I was younger. I want to experience life, all the fun and shitty side of it. I want to get my ears pierced because I’ve been wanting that for the longest time but I never had the balls to endure the possible pain. I want to smoke albeit I know the dangers of nicotine to my bronchioles because I want to know what’s with cigarette smoking that allures people to the habit. I want to try drugs because I want to satisfy my insatiable curiosity and I want to know what it feels like and what makes them tick. Someday I might get a tattoo because I want to leave a mark on my body that probably signifies an important part or person in my life. I want to go out and drink like there’s no tomorrow and meet all types of people. I want to have fun. I want to live my life while I can. I want to try everything while I have the time, the luxury of money and the youth so when it comes to point of settling down, I can lecture my son about the good and bad side of things. I don’t want to live my life taking the boring straight path that everyone expects me to take; the fastest route from point A to point B. There are detours and stopovers along the way and who says you can’t get sidetracked every once in a while? What’s more important is you know how and when to get back on track. Once you have done it then you can say to yourself “Heck! Been there and it was no fun.” or “I’ve done that and it was freaking awesome!” For now I live in these simplest rules: Live while you can. Have a life with no regrets. Try different things. These may be bad things but no one can deny that they’re still part of life. Have fun but know your limits. At the end of the day it’s still up to you if you will be consumed by these habits. Have the balls to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. Sabi nga ng namayapang Heath Ledger sa Batman “Why so serious?” Have fun while you can.

Regarding my ear piercing, I haven’t done it yet since I can’t find the time and my friend and I are planning to do it together on one of our day offs so for now my mom can sleep soundly at night knowing that her youngest son is not a hippie drug addict. Well not yet.

And for Pete’s sake people hindi po ako nagrerebelde.