Crazy Heat and Even Crazier Dreams

I think I speak for everyone in the Philippines when I say that I wish summer is over. The heat is so, for the lack of a better term, insane! I swear, summer in the Philippines gets hotter every year. And not in a good way.

What fun is summer when you can't even go around because of the smelting and humid heat? The heat makes everyone extra lazy. And it makes everyone extra cranky. Even I'm perspiring because of the heat! And for someone with my frame, sweating means that it's really, really hot. Thin people don't usually sweat that much because they don't have much fat insulation as normal people do. So when people like me become sweaty, it's either we're running a marathon or the weather is worse than a sauna steam room.

And what's more irritating about this Sahara ambiance of ours is that it disrupts the already messed up sleeping habits of the people of the night. Ergo, the people of the call center industry like myself. So we spend all night working and being wide awake and we go home at dawn. Once home, most people get sleepy already because of working all night and you can't help but doze off - only to be awakened around noon or mid-afternoon by the heat. Once awake, you try all humanly things possible to get back to sleep, but the more-than-thirty-five temperature gets the better of you. So you stay awake. You can't help but stay awake. And then you realize that you've been awake for hours and it's time to go to work again. Once you arrive at the office, you find salvation in the coldness of the AC. Although the cold gives you a sense of relief, you get tried easily because you haven't had any good night's sleep. So you're sleepy while at work. And before you know it, it's time to go home again and experience being baked like sun-dried fish. It's a vicious and cruel cycle.

So yes. I would like for summer to be over, thank you very much. At least when it's raining, the weather is conducive to sleeping. Though rain usually means flood and transportation hassle when you think about it. But that's another story.

And these weird sleeping habits make me have these even crazier dreams. At times, I dream of work. The projects and tasks I do at the office haunt me in my dreams. Maybe it's a premonition of things to come or maybe it's an indication that I am stressed at work. So generally, not a good sign.

Earlier, I dreamt of a nationwide flash flood because of a cosmic dam that released its waters. And in my dream, I was beginning to be frantic because I couldn't find my eldest nephew after the water has subsided.

But this one dream struck me the most. I can't remember all the details but here goes:

I was talking to a bunch of people. Mostly guys. Faceless, but I think I know them or they're my friends. I was sitting on the ground and these people we're around me sitting just as I was. It was dark, so maybe it was night. We were doing the Indian Sit type of sitting you do when you share stories around a campfire. I think we were talking about love and relationships and one of those faceless guys I was with was having relationship problems. And before I was able to jump into the discussion, a guy's voice came in. So cut to the dream sequence - I find this mystery guy who butt in sitting with me. I'm sitting on the ground, with both legs spread and this big guy was also sitting right in front of me with his back leaning on my chest. We're close, like breathing space close. And so from the position we were at, I could tell he's my boyfriend. I couldn't exactly remember if he was good looking or not because I was not able to get a good look of his face. But I could tell that he was big and burly - like the bouncer type of guys we see hanging around club entrances. It's funny because I don't see myself as going out with hunky muscular guys. It's not like I hate them. I mean, most of them are eye candies. But for me, that's just it. They're fun to look at and nothing else. I have always seen myself having a boyfriend who is almost the same as me physically. Tall. Lean or thin. Nerdy. I never thought that I would have a Mr. Muscle boyfriend who can bench-press twice my weight.

So before I was able to speak to this faceless guy in the crowd to give my relationship advice, my dream boyfriend who's sitting in front of me with his back against my chest spoke on my behalf. And he said something like this:

"Dapat maghanap ka kasi ng taong makakasama mo sa buhay na makikinig sa'yo palagi. Kaya maswerte ako kay Al kasi lagi siyang nandiyan para makinig sa mga problema ko..."

And then he leaned his back on my chest even more. And I felt myself smile when I heard what he said. And I blushed. Yes, people. In my dream, I felt myself blush. Sue me.

After that, I woke up.

So what does this mean? Who was that guy? Why was he like that? Will my future boyfriend be someone like that? Was it a sign that I'm into big guys after all and I just don't know it? Was it my subconscious reminding me I'm single and it's time for me to actively engage in a romantic relationship? Is the universe telling me I'm a good listener? Or should I listen to people more and by listening to people, I will meet my next boyfriend?

Was it just a dream and nothing else?

Regardless if it's a sign from up above or just my tired subconscious weaving random images in my head, I actually feel happy about that dream. And to be honest, I did spent an ordinate amount of time replaying that scene over and over. Because I like it.

Come to think of it, if this sweltering humidity makes me have these types of weird dreams over and over, bring it on!

Maybe the heat isn't so bad after all.

Now let me see if I can take a quick nap to see what happens next with my dream boyfriend.

A Sunday of Family Nostalgia

So this is how I spent my Sunday:

I woke up early to hear mass. Hear mass. I never thought that aside from the occasional weddings and baptisms that I get invited to, I would actually see the day that I would hear mass again without some sort of obligation tied to it. Ah, well. I stopped affiliating myself as a Filipino Catholic ever since the whole RH Bill debacle. And the political endorsements. And the anti same sex marriage stance. I still respect the idea of it as religion though - along with other beliefs. My family has already dubbed me an atheist and I think they have gone beyond exasperation in trying to get me back to believing again. So long story short, I stopped going to Church and hearing mass. But then again, it's my folks' 40th anniversary and they want to go to church. A family duty. So I obliged. After all, what's one mass, right? It's not like I'm going to burst into flames. But boy, that would be so cool if I did!

They wanted to go to a church in Sta. Cruz Manila but I suggested that we go to Sto. Niño Church in Tondo. My mother used to take me there every year on my birthday. It had to be this Church because of my name. And after mass, we'd eat out on the Jollibee across the church and she'd buy me all the toys I ask for. It was a yearly tradition until I was 9. I forgot why we stopped going. Because I was growing up, I guess? Yes, those were the days. Back when life was as simple as throwing tantrums when I couldn't get the toy I want. I still secretly hope that that method still works in life. But of course, it's not that simple anymore once you're grown up.

So we went to Sto. Niño Church - me, my folks, my older brother and his wife, an aunt, and my eldest sister along with my two nephews and niece. One big happy family minus two of my siblings abroad who couldn't be with us physically. At least for a day, we're the picture of a happy family. And Sunday's family day after all.


It's been 17 years since the last time I went here. And I couldn't help but feel nostalgic. Well, a little. I realized that churches have become more technologically advanced since the last time I attended mass; the church is equipped with CCTVs and LED screens. What happened to the vow of poverty? I guess they too have to keep up with the times.

And look, the Jollibee where my mom used to take me is still there!!! Squee! I am a happy boy inside.

It was actually surprising that I still know the words to all the hymns and all the responses. But I didn't kneel or took communion. I refuse to. And I promised myself that if the homily was about the oncoming election or the anti-RH bill senators, I would storm out. Sorry to my parents, but I won't take it. It's a good thing the service wasn't political or anything, otherwise I would have stayed in the car the whole time.

So after hearing mass, we went to the diner where my dad used to take my mom out on their dates. Yep, no fancy restaurants or home cookouts. We decided to be nostalgic this year. After all, this isn't just an ordinary anniversary. It's their 40th. Imagine 40 years filled with 5 kids, 3 grand kids, bickering, love and staying strong. And from my folks' testimonials, the food is great. It turns out to be true. And I didn't have to cry when it was time to pay the bill. It was a rather quaint yet nice eat out.

After lunch, we spent the day lazily driving around Cubao for some errands before we headed home.


And that's how we celebrated my folks' 40th anniversary on this Sunday full of nostalgia. Today is a simple yet happy day.

Thoughts on a Sweaty Tuesday Afternoon

Twenty four hours and infinite moments

 in between silence and words which are not scarce.

Gazes to far away places.

Ideas.

Heartbeats.

I was near you.

Before the sun set,

Before our lives end,

I loved you.

------
Snippet 1: I couldn't sleep since these words keep playing in my head. I had to write them down.

The problem is

And the problem with the nightshift is that all your drinking buddies sleep on you

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Thoughts Before Sleeping on a Rainy Friday

Warriors are not born, they are made. And they say the the fiercest ones are those which are thrown to battle at tender ages - without armor or spear. Without experience. These men have two fates to choose from: develop a thick skin and or die a painful death. Either triumph or tragedy. Many die. Too young to see the peak of what their lives would have become had it not been for unfair circumstances which cut their destinies short. But from those, a handful survive. For an empty heart thrown in front of an unfamiliar has no choice but to develop a sense of bravery unlike any other. Bravery which envelopes the soul and sparks the mind. And those who do reap their rewards in great fashion. But more than the adoration they receive from those who have forced them to battle lie their true victory: having survived their worst demons with nothing but their fists.

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