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| The Lone Pair Electron - available yet has no one to bond with |
Last night, as I went out with a couple of my friends and their partners, I was reminded of the concept of “Lone Pair Electrons” during my college chemistry days. In its simplest terms, lone pair electrons are those electrons which, although readily available, are not bonded with other atoms—hence the title “lone” in their name. As they exist alone in conformational space, they are like the mavericks of chemical structures. It made me think that in the macroscopic real life, lone pair electrons are in a way, like the token single friends who are reluctantly tagged along when someone goes out with his or her partner. Although not romantically bonded with any other individual, they are crucial in holding the composition of their respective groups together when going out. Being the only single person in our group last night, I felt like the lone pair electron of my social clique’s chemical structure.
The original plan was to see a film from the 16th French Film Festival at the Shangri-La Mall in Mandaluyong. Knowing my college friends, I knew that they would appreciate something cerebral and cultural like that so I urged them to come see a sample film with me. Expectedly, they agreed. Also, our group has been wanting to meet one of our close friend’s new boyfriend— kind of a formal “boyfriend meeting”, a rite that most social circles require their members when someone enters into a new relationship. The film fest served as a good excuse for us to finally meet this guy and my friend agreed to tag her boyfriend along. Another friend agreed to join but because of her married status, that would automatically mean that her husband will come along with us; a minor complication which I didn’t mind at all—seeing as her husband has become part of the group overtime and is a really nice guy in general. I didn’t mind the “plus ones” that would be joining our night out, as I figured that my other two single friends will be coming along. In fact, I was happy and excited to welcome the added guests. The more the merrier, or so I thought.
Things started to look bleak when the weather did not cooperate. A low pressure area around the metro gave cloudy skies for the past few days. Although there wasn’t any major typhoon, occasional rains made commuting to places a tad hassle. No one wants to get out and get soaked in the rain. And when it rains, traffic is hell. We were all set to meet at the mall for the movies at 7:00 PM. But since it has been raining hard Divine, one of my single friends who lives far down south had to cancel—which I thought was understandable. Things really started to go against my favour when my other single friend Gem, also had to cancel because of financial constraints and the fact that she has to work later in the evening; which was again as a friend, I had to understand. So I guess it’s just going to be me and two of my friends who’ll be able to go to the film festival. No big deal, it would still be as fun...but then I remembered the boyfriend and the husband. So it’s going to be me, my friends plus their respective partners. Great. Certainly no one wants to be the third wheel, or in this case, the fifth wheel. My only comforting thought was that I would have an hour-and-a-half French movie that will distract me from my thoughts of being “alone”. Of all nights to be single, why does it have to be this night?
I arrived at the venue around 7:00 o’clock and I met with one of my friends Nikki, who agreed to join me for the said movie fest. She met me alone as her new boyfriend Macky, was still on his way over. After a few minutes of chatting and catching up with one another, we decided to meet her boyfriend who just arrived. She introduced him to me before, but I didn’t have much time to get to know Macky as he needed to leave as soon as we met the last time. So this is Gay friend meets New Boyfriend, part two. I shook his hand, pleasantries were exchanged and we went on our way to the mall to grab something to eat. The first few minutes of dinner were silent as I didn’t know how to act around my friend and her new boyfriend. You see, friend dynamics slightly change when your girl space friend starts to have a boyfriend. But I decided what the heck. So I let go of my qualms and tried to be the naturally talkative (charming) person that I am. Soon enough, conversations were flowing naturally. Embarrassing stories were told, pasts anecdotes were revealed. It didn’t take long to make them both laugh at my antics (some to my own and to Nikki’s expense).
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| The movie that we wanted but did not see. |
It was almost 9:00 PM and my other friend Ivy and her husband Paul has yet to arrive from their DFA appointment. And more importantly, the movie was about to start and we have yet to get tickets and fall in line. I texted them and they were on still on their way; hopefully we will all be able to make it in time. While waiting for them to arrive, Nikki, Macky and I decided to go to the movie house to check the line of people that would see the film. According to the film fest website, the movie scheduled to be screened is Un Poison Violent (Love Like Poison) which is directed by Katell Quillévéré. It tells the story of a young girl about to go into her confirmation but is faced by temptation in the form of a free-spirited non-religious teenage boy. The film promised to be a treat. Sadly when we went up the movie house, aside from the hordes of students, cultural cognoscentis and foreign film connoisseur that lined the movie entrance, to our luck there were no more tickets available for the 9:00PM screening. So all that effort for nothing. Crap.
When Ivy and Paul arrived, we decided to meet them outside the mall as it was beginning to close. Since the movie was a bust, all of us decided to go to Gilligan’s near SM Mega Mall for a couple of drinks. It was a good ten-minute walk from Shangri-La to the designated drinking place. And as we headed towards the venue, naturally, the propensity of the couples to subconsciously “pair bond” (i.e hold hands) increased. And being the only “single” person that night, I didn’t have much of a choice but to be an observer to their pair bonding moments. Did I feel left out? Definitely. Did I feel bitter? At first yes, but then coming from a third person perspective, you get to observe how your friends enjoy their partner’s company. You get to notice the way they smile when their respective partners look at them. And seeing that your friends are happy makes you happy for them in return. Bitterness aside, I am still their friend and whatever makes them happy makes me happy. And at that point, I was happy seeing them smile with their flirty eyes and let out gushing giggles while holding hands with their respective partners. Things that you don't normally see them do when you hang-out with them.
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| A prime example of "Pair Bonding" that happened last night |
We arrived at Gilligan’s and ordered sisig and fried squid as our pulutan while having a few rounds (7 Tanduay Ice, 1 Red Horse Beer and 1 San Mig Light). While the acoustic band incessantly sang overplayed mainstream songs in the background, we enjoyed each other’s companies. Laughter, jokes and sob stories are always better under the influence of alcohol and good friends. Wait, sratch that. They’re always better under the influence of alcohol, good friends AND their partners. After the drinking escapade, we decided to hit a nearby convenience store to get coffee, rest our tired selves, share a few more laughs before heading home.
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| Gilligan's Mandaluyong where we ultimately ended up after the movie bust |
It was definitely a weird experience to be the only single person when you go out with your non-single friends. I realize you have to maintain a certain distance so that you can give them their needed privacy as a couple; because even if you go out as a group, there are a few, unavoidable times that they will momentarily divert their attention from being your friend to attend to their partners’ needs. And as a friend, single or not, you have to respect those moments. At the same time, while maintaining this distance you also have to keep a certain degree of close proximity so that you will not feel left out and your friends will not think that you’re abandoning them or you’re not enjoying their company—or their partners’ company for that matter. Last night, I had to maintain a balance of being close to my friends to still enjoy our moments yet not too close as to invade their couples’ space. I was fortunate that my friends did not let leave me out from their conversations too long and that they tried their best for me to not feel left out. It was also a lucky coincidence that their partners were easy to get-along with and I didn’t have a hard time bonding with them.
So even if we were not able to do what we intended to do in the first place, that is to watch the French movie that we wanted, the night turned out to be quite as fun as I expected. And it was definitely OK to be the lone pair electron that night. Since the French movie film was a bust, we decided to try our luck on a different date. Hopefully, everyone can come but even if I turn out to be the third, fifth, or whatever odd-numbered wheel again, I definitely won’t mind.
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