Strawberry Fields for MM

The third episode of the Level-Up Brotherhood Salutations series of 2011.

“Hi, I’m MM!”

I looked at the girl who just uttered these words. I haven’t spoken to anyone aside from my seatmates and I certainly I haven’t asked this girl what her name was...but she said it anyway. I looked at her with an indifferent gaze and examining her stature, I wondered how she could’ve passed on as a college student. Standing like a 14 year-old girl, with short hair and a headband, she certainly looked out of place amongst the people in the room.  Her blue backpack appeared grotesquely larger than she was. She was fragile, and as soft-spoken as she was, she offered her name to a complete set of strangers. That was bold, I thought, for someone so little.

I’m sure you already had a fare share of “bansot” jokes; most of them courtesy of me. And I’m sure you must have heard almost everything about your height. I’m a bully, I know, and I’m not going to stop bullying you. But I ridicule you with awe and respect, with love; like that of a big brother to her younger, vertically-challenged sister. I am reminded that behind this little girl stands a person so tall and magnanimous, she has accomplished so far and so much in her life.

Having had the opportunity to be one of your closest friends, I am reminded that brave people do come in small packages. There’s Napoleon Bonaparte, Alexander the Great, Pharaoh Amenhotep III, and then there’s you.  We all had a tumultuous college life, with all of the Brotherhood members having their own epic story to tell. Each war story grand in its own right, but yours has got to be the most victorious of all. You came, you saw, you’ve fallen countless times but you have definitely conquered. I am truly humbled and proud at the same time to be your friend.

As the world celebrates your twenty-sixth year, I would like to express my numerous “thank you’s” to you. Thank you for the knowledge you have imparted: all things political which helped me become the philosophical man I am today. I owe you to be the person responsible for awakening my socially-relevant self. You were my biggest political influence. Thank you for imparting your vast knowledge on the culture and the arts, on literature and all things intellectual, for they helped me become the cultured man I am now (choz! J). Thank you for sharing your life, your numerous heartaches, your frustrations, for they remind me how human we are in the world. Thank you for sharing your achievements and triumphs, for showing us, your friends, that no matter how life treats us all, there is still a way to triumph above all things unfair and unjust. Thank you for always being a loyal friend.

Do you remember the time you wore a motorcycle jacket on our Pharm21 class? I laughed so hard and I teased you about it all day. We wore white uniforms and seeing someone with a jacket that a renegade bounty hunter would wear (especially if that person was you) seemed very funny to me at that time. But as I go back to that memory, I realized that it wasn’t surprising at all. It was not funny. It was very fitting, as you have always been bold and brave of a person, a maverick.

So cheers, to the smallest bravest person I know on her twenty-sixth birthday!

Happy happy birthday, M!

  

Your strawberry fields are definitely forever.

See how small she is?
Oh Pong  'wag kang magselos, alam mo yan!

Insomnia

I want to close my eyes

and fall into a deep slumber.

Yet your far voice whispers

in my ears.

The way you laugh when I kiss you,

your moans

how you say my name,

so forceful.

Haunting

as if you never wanted to let me go.

I remember how you smell,

the taste of your neck, your chest

Intoxicating and delusional.

Wild.

I want to close my eyes

and fall into a deep slumber.

Yet I feel the ghost of your hands touch mine

locking my body,

into an embrace I used to remember.

In the dark

your warm moist breathing in my ear,

the rise and fall of your body

your heartbeat.

Your fire revisits me at night.

I want to close my eyes

and fall into a deep slumber.

But my touch

tongue, soul

searches for the contours which are yours.

My warmth searches for your warmth.

I see you. Here. Now.

Yet I cannot hold you.

Nothing but a mere shadow.

Walls.

Distance.

Our bodies lay next to each other,

both devoid of passion.

Both trying so hard.

I want to close my eyes

and fall into a deep slumber.

Go back to a time, to our time,

 to our sanctuary

where I am yours alone.

Bring me back the memories you promised.

Make me feel

alive.

Loved.

But you are gone.

Because I'm Too Lazy To Clean My Room, I'll Blog About How Dirty It Is Instead.

I am living in a crime scene.

Or that’s how it appears to be.

It is noon. I wake up and I see my room is not as clean and organized as it used to be. I have always known myself as a well-organized person but seeing my room in such disarray makes me think otherwise.  I have been telling myself for the past few weeks that one of these days I’ll clean my rathole, but whenever I feel the urge to get up and get a broom, I sit down, close my eyes until the urge passes. Procrastination sets in, laziness gets the best of me and the room stays messy. People may call it a pig sty, but I call it necessary chaos.

I sleep on a futon mattress. Since I have problems sleeping on high beds, I choose to situate myself closer to the Earth when I rest. Physics tells us that a low center of gravity makes an object more stable in its balance. And since I’m deathly scared of unnecessary heights, I choose to sleep closer to the ground.  Looking at my “pseudo bed” I notice that I’ve been sleeping on a half naked foam, meaning there’s no bed sheet per se; just a thin yellow cover that stretches across the bed. I look at my three pillows, and none of them are wearing their respective pillow cases. I look for them and I see them over a stack of clean laundry that’s been delivered to my room a few days ago. That reminds me, I haven’t folded my laundry yet.  A few inches from my clean clothes are the dirty ones. Disgusting, I know. I see dirty underwear, soiled shirts and pants only a few inches away from the clean ones. How I haven’t mistaken wearing the dirty ones is beyond me. 

I look at my walls. They’re supposed to be white, but I can’t tell what their color is now so I’m going to pretend  that they’re still white. I see a couple of inside-out jeans hanging over a nail I’ve put on the wall and you can still see the mud stains at bottom part.  Creepy.  What’s creepier is, I can’t remember the last time I wore those jeans. Next to my muddy pants is another pair of jeans, a sando, a pair of shorts, a scarf (don’t ask) hanging on one single hook.  I walk over to it and smell if they’re still good. I can’t tell.

Over to another corner, I have the spot where I put my shoes. Good thing some of them still look like footwear albeit the week-old mud marks and sand dunes building under them.  Then I see my Chinese helmet toy resting on one of my shoe and the black box where I keep all my important papers resting on a pair of slippers I’ve been looking for for the past couple of days. Hello tsinelas, there you are!

I then see my gray messenger bag sprawled open at the tip of my mattress. It’s still wet from the last time I went out, so naturally it left moist traces on my bed. I don’t even want to look at what’s inside the bag. I see a pair of dirty underwear sitting next to it. I can’t remember if they’re mine though. Upon closer examination, I think they are, though it’s funny how I can’t remember when they started looking like *that*.  I turn my head to the side and I see a three foot-pile of books arranged beautifully like a stack of Jenga blocks. One wrong move or a renegade fly sitting on top of it would cause the tower to tumble down. From where I’m sitting right now, I can see dust building on the covers-which means I haven’t done anything remotely intellectual for quite a while. I better catch up on my reading.  Next to my “smart”books is my magazine rack with folded and torn issues of men's magazines. There are cobwebs on top of the rack. Open pages. Ear dog page marks. I guess the universe is sending a not-so-subtle message for me to read them too.

I almost stepped on an empty bottle of Tanduay Ice next to an entanglement of electrical sockets and cords.  I better return that bottle soon as I tend to forget these sort of things. I also noticed a pack of maroon Gudang Garam cigs, which I bought two years ago, next to a recently-reposed hard drive. I bent over to check and to my surprise I have a few more sticks left. Oh joy! If only I can find where I put my lighter. I lift the two day-old Abante newspaper lying next to me only to find it wasn’t there; but I did find the missing toe of my Kratos God of War action figure. That cricket lighter is bound to show up here somewhere. As I reach for my phone, I also see a bottle of Mojitos gold tequila next to my bed. On top of it is the shot glass which acts as the bottle cap because I can't find that stupid bottle cap anywhere. As I raise the bottle, I was thrilled to see that there still an approximate ten milliliters left. I promised my lips that it would taste that sweet liquid later on, after I’m done cleaning my room, if ever I clean it. Last drops are often the sweetest and pack the strongest punch, you see.

Now as I look at the chaos around me, I can’t help but ask if there is a need for me to clean up my space and organize my life. 

Should one be happy living this way?

If only mankind is smart enough to invent a self-cleaning room or a machine that has the ability to go to a parallel universe where your room is clean and organized, I wouldn’t have these thoughts.

Where’s that damn tequila?

Your Honor, exhibit A

The Pretty Girl In Spectacles

The second episode of the Level-Up Brotherhood Salutations series of 2011.

I can still remember how I met the pretty girl in spectacles.

 It was an ordinary afternoon at GAB 308 almost seven years ago; amidst chemical bondings and the valance electrons of my take 2 Chem14 class, a friend of mine introduced her to me.  One of the first things I noticed was how this girl is incredibly shy and how blithely unaware that she is pretty. She hesitated for a bit before she shook my hand and in a hush tone, she said that her name is Dominique. What a pretty name I thought, and what a very pretty girl. Little did I know that, that very handshake would be the start of one epic friendship.

As I have already mentioned, the girl in spectacles is oblivious on how the world sees her as a thing of exquisite beauty.  She is statuesque and slender, and the paleness of her skin is contrasted beautifully by her long ebony hair. And when she walks, oh boy when she walks!  Everytime she and I would walk side-by-side to the mall during our lunch breaks I feel the envious stares of guys that see us together. How can a schmuck like me get to be close with that kind of girl? I know right? We were very close during our college years and many thought that we were a couple. I didn’t correct them though, haha, let them think that we are a couple! With a girl as pretty and smart as Nikki who was I to complain? But I knew that we were destined to have more than just a cliché romantic relationship, we were destined to be great friends...for life.

Over the years I have known this pretty girl in spectacles, I’ve seen her best and worst sides.  From accompanying her in her marathon window shopping trips to experiencing her after-exam tantrums. I’ve seen her bitter, I’ve seen her frustrated. I have seen her in her most depressing times. I have also seen her face light up when we talk about intellectual things from Miss Saigon to books by Umberto Eco. I’ve seen the intellect from her eyes when we discuss contrasting philosophies.  I’ve heard her immense and profound insights on life, many of which have influenced my own. I’ve seen her face blush when she talks about her future plans, her future love. I’ve seen her passionate academic side and most importantly, her sweet, vulnerable side, like that of an innocent young girl.

 This pretty girl in spectacles, as frail and delicate as she may seem, has become one of my rocks all throughout these years. And I can’t thank her enough for that. She was always there after the end of every horrible exam, every late prelab and every failing grade I had during college. When most of my college friends shifted to a different degree, she was always the one I turned to whenever I felt my insanity slipping. I know I can always vent out to her even in my most blasphemous self and she would always have a sympathetic ear to listen. After I was done cursing everything that went wrong, I always felt better knowing that she was there and I wasn’t so alone as I thought I was.  Not all guys have such strong supportive friends who are pretty at the same time. I am, no doubt, a very lucky man to have met her.

Today as we celebrate your twenty-fifth year of existence, The Brotherhood and I want to express our gratitude to the Creator for giving us a friend like you. You, with your comforting silence and your words of compassion have helped us through some of the most difficult times in our lives. We cannot stress how lucky we are to have you, Nikki as our friend.

Sometimes I wonder why this pretty girl in spectacles hasn’t been snatched up yet by some dashing debonair prince charming. Any man would be lucky to have her and I am sure a lot of these men have already tried winning her heart. But maybe that’s how it should be at the moment. God decided that at this time, a precious gift of beauty and grace, is to be loved not just by one mortal man, but by all the people who was touched by her charm, compassion and kindness. 

So to you my dear pretty girl in spectacles,

HAPPY HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY!

WE LOVE YOU.

Your intellectual non-sense friends,

-The Brotherhood.

The Author and the Pretty Girl Sans Her Spectacles

Author's Note:

Due to the shy nature of the birthday celebrant, the author has a few photos of her and most of her photos are without her glasses. But the author assures its readers that this girl is as blind as a bat without her spectacles.

Credit:

www.picknik.com for the photoedit.

Sorry for the lack of artistry. Due to connectivity issues (through Globe Tattoo USB Modem), creating and editing photos through picknik.com is like ice skating on a brick road. XD

Tajo: The Beginning

It’s hard to admit that I might be falling,

since I have long resigned to the thought

that I am complete 

on my own

without anyone’s help.

Yet here I am,
waiting for you to come alive,

and eager to hear what you will say 

about the randomness I’ll ask;

or how you’ll complement my thoughts

and make me realize how much I have to learn.

Who knew a somewhat similar soul exists

whom I’ll be able to share
even the most mundane of things?

Day dreams,
they prophesied you're not supposed to happen yet,
not until in my distant years

when everything is perfect,
and steady and constant

when I am ready.

Yet here you are,

now,

amidst all the imperfections in my world,

ready to pursue an endeavour I deem futile.

How long has it been?

For the both of us?

Can we still remember what it used to feel?

Are you healed? Am I ready?

Is this right?

Is this going to be worth it?

I guess we’ll never find out unless we try...

Self-restraint,
I think I've had enough.

Let’s see where this road takes us.

My New Found Hobby: Emo Photopickniking

One boring Sunday afternoon I decided attempted to be artsy.

This is what I did to kill time this afternoon.

Posted March 27, 2011

Stolen 

by Dashboard Confessional

Thank You For the Broken Heart 

by J Rice

Hold It Against Me 

by Sam Tsui feat. Kurt Schneider

Collide

by Howie Day

Amazing what stacks of FLV videos, RealPlayer Trimmer and www.picknik.com can do to appease boredom.

Posted March 28, 2011

Edit: The madness continues with the following:

Before the Worst

by The Script 

Talk You Down

by The Script 

I have found a new hobby. Teehee.
I'm calling this "Emo Photopickniking"

Posted March 29, 2011
I've also used www.befunky.com in addition to picknik.com for some added effects on the other videos.

Two Is Better than One

by Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift

Hero Heroine

by Boys Like Girls

Love of My Life

by Queen

Posted March 30, 2011

The Wind Blows

by The All-American Rejects

Bibliophilia

photo: taken through Dell Inspiron Mini Notebook Integrated Webcam.
photoediting: through www.picknik.com. cropped.
effect (in order) black and  white, collage 3 boxes simple. cinemascope  (no letter box)
"reading" definition provided by: worldnetweb.princeton,edu/perl/webwn

Message to a Quarter of a Century and a Year Older Mother

The pilot episode of the Level-Up Brotherhood Salutations series of 2011. 

Since you are now officially a quarter of a century and a year older, I thought it would be nice to spruce up my normal birthday greeting to the first 2011 birthday celebrant of the Brotherhood (and since I have nothing going on in my life right now Haha). Forgive me if I have chosen the worst of your pictures, as those are the only pictures I have of you; so I really didn't have much of a choice. You’re always the one taking our photos, ergo kami ang camwhores ikaw ang camera man. Seriously, that’s what we love about you; how you always selflessly put others’ need to become vain first before your own. You were always the silent one in our group, yet without you we wouldn’t feel and be complete. You are, as your name suggests, a wall flower...well a cosplaying, stat-abhoring, well-opinionated wall flower that is.

Forgive my lack of artistic vision. LOL. I never said I was an artist. I thought the perfect gift would be to put your pictures over the years for us and for all people to see how you’ve grown (or not) and matured in a short period of time. It was fun making the collage as I get to laugh at how a few things never changed between us and you. As you can see from the photos, some things about you didn’t change. Like the fact that you haven’t grown an inch vertically, that your eye bags never really went away and that mataba pa din ang pisngi mo. ever. In a span of 7 years, the only thing that grew are your biceps. Well that and your tummy too. Joke. XD

Looking through all of our photos, it was amusing to see how you have progressed from our Take 2 Math 17 classmate (circa 2004) into becoming a working individual, to becoming a full-time mom. A mom to a wonderful baby boy. A lot has in fact changed over the past years. There are times that I still couldn’t believe that the same girl who 7 years ago kept asking me incessantly if she can keep my Ragnarok poster, is now responsible for caring another human life. I myself and the Brotherhood couldn’t be prouder.

Today on your 26^th birthday, I give a toast to all your achievements. Although at times you might feel that you haven’t accomplished enough in your life, I say this: we were all witnesses on how you have triumphed over your father’s disease, family quarrels and crying boyfriends. Our yahoo thread grew witness on how you’ve overcame your battle with your never-ending statistic subjects, your sorrows over DPSM and your (I’m sorry OUR) turbulent academic life. We were there and we saw how you were able to get past the anxiety that you felt when you were first starting out in your career.  We were there when you were able to get up after your heart got broken. And the most important of all your achievements, you gave life to another human being. Another human being, can you imagine how big that was? Although scared and unprepared as you might have been, you faced it head on. And you are still here. You were invincible and you always will be. And now look at what you have, an adorable baby boy that has become dear to everyone in your life. If that’s not the greatest achievement ever then I don't know what is.

There are a lot of adversities that you still have to face in the future, like the unfinished academic endeavours you, I’m sorry we, still have for ourselves. I’m sure we will be able to live our promise of finishing school someday. Remember, we made a commitment na kahit tanders na tayo tatapusin natin ang laban, para kay bebi?  With all confidence I believe in that. There is also the never ending job of being a mom and caring for a kid. I don’t know how that works really (since wala pa akong anak) and I know at this point, everything is still new to you and Paul but eventually you two will be able to figure it out. Never ever for second think that you’re not a good mother, because you are.You have been through so much in the past that you will be able to accomplish anything now. You've been broken numerous times, we know, we saw it, but for everytime you fell down you dusted yourself off, put your glasses back on and got right back on track. Like with all sh*t life threw at you before, you’ll get past everything with calm and grace as you have always done so in the past.

 As cliché as a song lyrics sound, I’d like to remind you that we are always here. XD Maybe not physically but we always have our special YM thread naman. You know you can always share what’s on your mind with us. No matter how stupid you think it is (wag lang programming at math ‘te. Alam mong ikamamatay namin ‘yan), we would gladly listen and make non-sense intellectual ramblings about it, but, at the end of the day we are here to love you. We have always done so in the past 7 years. We’re your friends. It’s in our job descriptions.

So to you Ivy, a toast!

A woman of great compassion.

A resilient and loyal friend.

And a great mother.

Happy happy birthday to you dear brethren.

We love you.

Your intellectual non-sense friends,

The Brotherhood

SPONSORS:

Photos credits courtesy of anonymous cell phones, digital cameras and years of camwhoring.

Photo editing care of www.picknik.com. The poor man’s free online adobe photoshop

Collage theme provided by http://www.photovisi.com. The collage maker for the artistically-challenged.
and for hosting the web image of the collage, www.photobucket.com.

Edit: Since the site won't let me upload a bigger version of the picture, the resolution above would do.

If you want to download the collage in full resolution the url is:

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg200/onins15/randomstuffings/HAPPY26THBIRTHDAYIVY.jpg?t=1300821493

Thoughts from a College Drop-Out

"humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity...reducing inequity is the highest human achievement"


-BILL GATES
spoken at the 2007 Harvard University Commencement.


Early this morning I watched a series of clips of Bill Gates' Harvard commencement speech. It's a five-part series with clips ranging from 5 to 6 minutes each, making the whole speech roughly around half an hour long. The first few parts were funny anecdotes and then he got to the core of what he really wanted to discuss. And because of the duration of the talk, it couldn't be helped that some of the audience got bored (or if they weren't they certainly looked like it from the video). I liked the whole speech in general. I never knew that Bill Gates was such a philanthropist and a humanitarian. Well with tons of cash, he should be (tons of cash is an understatement). Kudos to him for giving out a talk which doesn't normally follow the usual pattern of graduation speeches wherein the speaker patronizes the university or gives the graduates some jaded advice on how to face the real world, advices which after a year or two become unusable and forgotten. Instead, Gates talked about conquering humanity's biggest problem and our biggest issue. Caring is simply not enough. I loved how with all honesty he challenged the audience to look for a problem, cut through the complexities and work for a solution. I think the message is so timely, with the current earthquake disaster hitting Japan. And I thank him for giving out that message, and although he didn't speak to me directly, his speech made me realize what I really want to do in my life. It fuelled my passion which I've been looking for so long. It fortified my belief that the path I'm going to take within the few months is really the right path for me. I know it is. :)

Part 1 of the speech can be watched here and the rest can be found on the same site as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP5VIhbJwFs&feature=fvwrel

Go ahead.
Be inspired.

Why Do People Think I'm Smart?

Why do people think I’m smart?

…is it because I talk in English often? Nah. Blame cable TV. I had an early jumpstart when it came to HBO, Cartoon Network and MTV when my mom decided that we’re going to be the first household on our street to ditch Filipino soap operas for foreign TV when I was 10. And when you get addicted to the tube at an earlier age, English slang gets imbued to your brain subconsciously. This plus working in a call center for 3 years talking to Americans 8 hours a day (or more) for 40 hours a week (or more),  it’s no wonder you even talk to stray dogs in English.

…is it because I love to read books? Not exactly. I love to read books only when there’s nothing good to watch on TV or there’s no new porn available on the net. Besides, I don’t have a cabinet chuck full of books, well not yet. It’s good to exercise your brain once in a while and expound your vocabulary beyond the conventional cuss words. Besides, my sister loves to reads books. Well pocket books that is, and I don't hear anyone calling her a rocket-scientist either.

…is it because I got good grades when I was studying? That’s because I did study, when absolutely necessary not, because I’m smart. I graduated with honors when I was in elementary and high school because there wasn’t enough people to choose from who didn’t drink and engage in premarital sex (I got started on those two way to late, but that’s a different story). And you should’ve seen my innumerable 4’s and 5’s when I was in college. See? I’m not smart.

…is it because I write in complete sentences? Shouldn’t we all? In this day and age where jejemon and textspeak is deemed normal and acceptable by today’s urban youth, someone’s got to preserve the foundations of basic, sane and normal communication. I want to uphold what the earliest homo sapiens fought hard to achieve; the use of a subject and a predicate in a sentence. Tell me, is that too much to ask?

…is it because I watch weird films? Do I really have a choice? Just because I prefer to watch Kurosawa and other Asian art films or prefer watching “Schlindler’s List” over “Dude, Where’s My Car?” or “One More Chance” does not mean I’m smart; it means I have good taste in films. I know better than to waste my already impaired vision on poor cinematography or abuse my hearing with bad cliché lines.  My time is better spent analyzing the significance of Spielberg’s chrome choice in his films rather than wondering if Richard Gutierrez will end up with Rhian Ramos or Lovi Poe. “You had me at my best, she had me at my worst…” gosh, I’d rather gargle liquid nitrogen.  

…is it because I’m not athletic? Heck no.  Why do people automatically assume that just because I know nothing in handling a ball nor do I know who Blake Griffin is, I’m suddenly a geek or math wiz? People should realize that geeks can be athletes too and vice-versa. Look at Craig Breslow, a football player who has a degree in molecular biophysics from Yale under his belt. The line drawing nerds and jocks apart is slowly becoming blurred. I’m not athletic because I’m physically thin, I’m afraid of the sun and I’m lazy. Period.

…is it because I love techy stuff? In the modern century everybody should embrace technology. Let’s face it; these gadgets will ultimately dictate the course of humanity in the next few decades. It’s important for everyone and I mean everyone, smart and not-so-smart alike to be fully aware on how to harness the technological prowess of today’s modern inventions. Besides, you don’t see me lining at the Apple® store to get my latest Steve Jobs fix now do you? I don’t consider myself techy smart, just technologically up-to-date.

…is it because I look like a nerd? Okay, just because I don’t have the looks of the latest Korean boyband members and just because I don’t moisturize or comb my hair (often), some would automatically assume that I’m smart. I’m indifferent. I don’t care how I look like as long as I’m wearing clean underwear. Society has this definition that people who don’t comb their hair, has socks that don’t match their shoes or wear glasses are introverts who have an IQ of 300. Hello? How about Natalie Portman who’s a Harvard graduate or James Franco who attended graduate school at Columbia? They don’t look like smart but they are. As for me, I ain’t smart; it’s just that my fashion sense is totally non-existent.

…is it because I ask people…a lot? I ask people a lot because I’m curious and is just naturally nosey not because I’m smart. I want to know what’s going on in their lives or if they have a problem that they’re willing to share. I ask a lot because I want to learn all sorts of things. I ask a lot if in case they have a hearing problem and they don’t hear the first time around I ask them and just because I’m naturally makulit.

…is it because I talk to myself? I have this sick habit of talking to myself when I’m thinking out loud. I think this does not make me smart, just borderline schizophrenic. Right Al? Right! Wait what are we talking about again? I’m just saying that at times you talk to yourself. I don’t talk to myself. Yeah you do! No I don’t, I’m just thinking out loud. See?

Why do people think I’m smart? Or are they just plain stupid?LOL

I'm not smart, and yes i'm not kidding.