Missing You

I knew right then and there that saying “I’ll miss you” and mindlessly waiting for your response was the end it…of something I kept for myself for a very long time.

It never occurred to me how badly I will miss you. Half of the sane man in me knew this day would come but I never realized that it will happen so soon. It’s like you know the ending of a very predictable movie but once you see that the happy-ever-after is over you never realized how or why it occurred. I have long told myself that you will one day, be gone, for you have been telling me this for the past months. It’s kinda silly for me to even encourage you to let go. I know it was the proper thing to do and it was your only ticket to happiness. I fooled myself to believe it was mine as well, that seeing you happy will make me happy too. I kept my selfishness in tact inside my outer covering of denial. Who was I to object?

It was a mystery for me from the beginning how and when I started feeling this way about you. There was no sign from up above, no epiphany, no moment of clarity or pre-emptive warning at all when this happened. Naturally, it just did. I began to notice the difference when I started to look forward to seeing you everyday; when every minute that we share talking to each other would seem like a snapshot frozen forever. I never wanted my day to end when I was with you but when it did, I so eagerly wait for the cycle to repeat itself the next day, and the next, until it became a vicious habit I have grown accustomed to. I always feel excited when I’m hearing your stories about life, your frustrations and your dreams, for we share the same insights on most things. I knew I was in too deep when I began to need the intent look in your eyes when you look through me to try to reach out for my theories. It was like someone searching for a soul, my soul. I never met a person like that before. At first I only wanted to heal you from your pain or make you forget them for a little while or at least when I’m here. I knew this was a long shot, but I didn’t care. As long as I can be there to ease you from your burdens I know I will be happy at one point.


I'll miss you. Don't you ever forget that.