Self-Mockery

Self Mockery
This was my last post on friendsterblogs.com. it was posted on October 14, 2007

Self Mockery
after suffering from intrcrannial hemorrhage yesterday (i mean two days ago) about sterols and t-RNA i decided to let the weekend pass by like a breeze. i decided not to review (surprise surprise) for my finals week. besides, i have Monday (today) to cram for my Pharm42 finals. i really don't know what's gonna happen with my ACADS, ha! bahala na...

after countlesss hours of surfing the net and unnumbered hours of boredom i decided to type my name as search queery in Google. and to my surprise, i actually found out some sites which contain my name. i checked them out and saw my early poetries (if you'll call them that) some years ago. i decided to post some of them here. better to see them here (first hand source hehehe). i must warn you though, i have written these poems x years ago and they're very very very CHEESY and GOOUEY (the melted motzarella type). they're lousy in terms of words and they have no coherence or cohesion or whatever literary jargon writers use. i'm not a good writer i admit. i think i wrote these during my "getting-over-of-something-that-NEVER-REALLY-DID-happen-stage". they're full of grammatical errors that they would make a copy-reader a hell lot'a money.


dear reader, you have been warned:

In His Shoes
By: Al Argañoza
and i'd give anything just to be in his place

just to be the arms that hold you

the eyes you stare at or the name you call your own

how lucky is he who share your heart

who holds your half

the one you look forward to everyday 
he who walks you home

i wish i could be the one
that kisses your hurt away

or the one who tucks you at night

the man you spend your dreams with

how i long to be the one who saves you

and the one you wish upon the night

i'd give anything just to step out of his shadow

this perfect soul i could never be
i wish for once that i could be special
so someday i could see myself in your eyes...

About this poem:
this is one of my favorite poems...i wrote it months after 'The Event'
NEW NOTE: i got this from ilovepoetry.com.i can't believe i wrote this stuff! i can't even believe i signed up for the site! hahaha! cheesy...pathetic...but what can i say? i wrote the damn thing! i'm actually laughing as i reread the poem. how can one be so melodramatic? and so pathetic at that?

here's another one from the same site...as the title suggests...soooo pathetic..hahaha!

Pathetic
By: Al Argañoza
Denial my friend give me strength

help me cover all the memories

Keep my eyes shut from the haunting

pains of her truth
Heal this wound

Help me turn my back away

from the face I have so long known

Relieve me from the sadness which have enclosed me

and ease this suffering

With every dropping tear embrace me

Refrain me from remembering

the name I dare not speak of

Refuse thy self from this naive heart

who bathes itself with her image

So that when i see her look

unto his eyes and smile
I can tell my dying self,
'I wish them well...'

About this poem:
this next one was written while i was going home from school. its one of my most favorite....

NEW NOTE: i actually wrote this poem on my way home. while i was riding a PUJ home in Blumentritt...amidst the smoke and debris of Taft and Rizal Avenue, a young, hungry, sweating and a "cant-get-over" poet suddenly finds his muse for writing...awwwww! i can even remember the squiggly lines and how horrible my handwriting was when i wrote the original manuscript (naks) since no one in their right mind would try to write while inside a moving vehicle

i think i have one more from the same site

Hazel Eyes
By: Al Argañoza
i have forever known myself as invisible

accepted the fact that no one will bother to look, yet to see

then someone came along and stopped

to share a glance

to look at me straight in the eyes

through me and my soul
deep within regions, i myself never knew

and for once i saw myself at someone else's eyes

my reflection at another mirror

with that vision i have found my peace

amidst being lost in the vastness within

trapped inside those eyes

i find happiness to last till eternity

nothing could ever more understand

me and all my doubts

fears and aspirations

but those glances you call your own

someone finally saw me and who i am

how i wish those eyes will forever look into mine

but i was never destined to be seen

i was forever invisible

and like all passers-by she left

leaving me staring in an abyss

alone yet smiling

shattered yet at peace

hurt yet yearning

that those eyes

your eyes will find me again

to hold me secure and help me see

what in a lifetime I can never see

a clearer picture of once a stranger

but now someone worthwhile seeing

because only within those hazel eyes

i can find that greatest someone i should be.

About this poem:
this next one is another of my many mushy-gutsy-desperado-pathetic poems...it fits to the 'broken-hearted distrubed-teen' genre and is also atrributed to 'HER', the name I shall dare not speak...hehehe...its a more of a prose rather than a poem (i think)
NEW NOTE: i've already laughed out myself dry on the floor while i'm typing this. did i actually feel that way?! what's more surprising is that i'm actually capable of writing those kind of stuff. *shudders* it's a talent (or not) that i'll put on my next new year's list of the "things you'd like to get rid off for the next year" hahaha! i crack myself up!

reading these poems, i remember those days. but now it's a totally new feeling (or lack of it) and now i can actually laugh it out without bitterness. Gosh! (with a Miriam twang) did i ever feel bitter? (liar!)

one general thought to summarize these poems: "The idealism of youth nga naman..."hahaha

PS: the text alignment's a little lousy, i won't even bother...