My New Found Hobby: Emo Photopickniking

One boring Sunday afternoon I decided attempted to be artsy.

This is what I did to kill time this afternoon.

Posted March 27, 2011

Stolen 

by Dashboard Confessional

Thank You For the Broken Heart 

by J Rice

Hold It Against Me 

by Sam Tsui feat. Kurt Schneider

Collide

by Howie Day

Amazing what stacks of FLV videos, RealPlayer Trimmer and www.picknik.com can do to appease boredom.

Posted March 28, 2011

Edit: The madness continues with the following:

Before the Worst

by The Script 

Talk You Down

by The Script 

I have found a new hobby. Teehee.
I'm calling this "Emo Photopickniking"

Posted March 29, 2011
I've also used www.befunky.com in addition to picknik.com for some added effects on the other videos.

Two Is Better than One

by Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift

Hero Heroine

by Boys Like Girls

Love of My Life

by Queen

Posted March 30, 2011

The Wind Blows

by The All-American Rejects

Bibliophilia

photo: taken through Dell Inspiron Mini Notebook Integrated Webcam.
photoediting: through www.picknik.com. cropped.
effect (in order) black and  white, collage 3 boxes simple. cinemascope  (no letter box)
"reading" definition provided by: worldnetweb.princeton,edu/perl/webwn

Message to a Quarter of a Century and a Year Older Mother

The pilot episode of the Level-Up Brotherhood Salutations series of 2011. 

Since you are now officially a quarter of a century and a year older, I thought it would be nice to spruce up my normal birthday greeting to the first 2011 birthday celebrant of the Brotherhood (and since I have nothing going on in my life right now Haha). Forgive me if I have chosen the worst of your pictures, as those are the only pictures I have of you; so I really didn't have much of a choice. You’re always the one taking our photos, ergo kami ang camwhores ikaw ang camera man. Seriously, that’s what we love about you; how you always selflessly put others’ need to become vain first before your own. You were always the silent one in our group, yet without you we wouldn’t feel and be complete. You are, as your name suggests, a wall flower...well a cosplaying, stat-abhoring, well-opinionated wall flower that is.

Forgive my lack of artistic vision. LOL. I never said I was an artist. I thought the perfect gift would be to put your pictures over the years for us and for all people to see how you’ve grown (or not) and matured in a short period of time. It was fun making the collage as I get to laugh at how a few things never changed between us and you. As you can see from the photos, some things about you didn’t change. Like the fact that you haven’t grown an inch vertically, that your eye bags never really went away and that mataba pa din ang pisngi mo. ever. In a span of 7 years, the only thing that grew are your biceps. Well that and your tummy too. Joke. XD

Looking through all of our photos, it was amusing to see how you have progressed from our Take 2 Math 17 classmate (circa 2004) into becoming a working individual, to becoming a full-time mom. A mom to a wonderful baby boy. A lot has in fact changed over the past years. There are times that I still couldn’t believe that the same girl who 7 years ago kept asking me incessantly if she can keep my Ragnarok poster, is now responsible for caring another human life. I myself and the Brotherhood couldn’t be prouder.

Today on your 26^th birthday, I give a toast to all your achievements. Although at times you might feel that you haven’t accomplished enough in your life, I say this: we were all witnesses on how you have triumphed over your father’s disease, family quarrels and crying boyfriends. Our yahoo thread grew witness on how you’ve overcame your battle with your never-ending statistic subjects, your sorrows over DPSM and your (I’m sorry OUR) turbulent academic life. We were there and we saw how you were able to get past the anxiety that you felt when you were first starting out in your career.  We were there when you were able to get up after your heart got broken. And the most important of all your achievements, you gave life to another human being. Another human being, can you imagine how big that was? Although scared and unprepared as you might have been, you faced it head on. And you are still here. You were invincible and you always will be. And now look at what you have, an adorable baby boy that has become dear to everyone in your life. If that’s not the greatest achievement ever then I don't know what is.

There are a lot of adversities that you still have to face in the future, like the unfinished academic endeavours you, I’m sorry we, still have for ourselves. I’m sure we will be able to live our promise of finishing school someday. Remember, we made a commitment na kahit tanders na tayo tatapusin natin ang laban, para kay bebi?  With all confidence I believe in that. There is also the never ending job of being a mom and caring for a kid. I don’t know how that works really (since wala pa akong anak) and I know at this point, everything is still new to you and Paul but eventually you two will be able to figure it out. Never ever for second think that you’re not a good mother, because you are.You have been through so much in the past that you will be able to accomplish anything now. You've been broken numerous times, we know, we saw it, but for everytime you fell down you dusted yourself off, put your glasses back on and got right back on track. Like with all sh*t life threw at you before, you’ll get past everything with calm and grace as you have always done so in the past.

 As cliché as a song lyrics sound, I’d like to remind you that we are always here. XD Maybe not physically but we always have our special YM thread naman. You know you can always share what’s on your mind with us. No matter how stupid you think it is (wag lang programming at math ‘te. Alam mong ikamamatay namin ‘yan), we would gladly listen and make non-sense intellectual ramblings about it, but, at the end of the day we are here to love you. We have always done so in the past 7 years. We’re your friends. It’s in our job descriptions.

So to you Ivy, a toast!

A woman of great compassion.

A resilient and loyal friend.

And a great mother.

Happy happy birthday to you dear brethren.

We love you.

Your intellectual non-sense friends,

The Brotherhood

SPONSORS:

Photos credits courtesy of anonymous cell phones, digital cameras and years of camwhoring.

Photo editing care of www.picknik.com. The poor man’s free online adobe photoshop

Collage theme provided by http://www.photovisi.com. The collage maker for the artistically-challenged.
and for hosting the web image of the collage, www.photobucket.com.

Edit: Since the site won't let me upload a bigger version of the picture, the resolution above would do.

If you want to download the collage in full resolution the url is:

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg200/onins15/randomstuffings/HAPPY26THBIRTHDAYIVY.jpg?t=1300821493

Thoughts from a College Drop-Out

"humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity...reducing inequity is the highest human achievement"


-BILL GATES
spoken at the 2007 Harvard University Commencement.


Early this morning I watched a series of clips of Bill Gates' Harvard commencement speech. It's a five-part series with clips ranging from 5 to 6 minutes each, making the whole speech roughly around half an hour long. The first few parts were funny anecdotes and then he got to the core of what he really wanted to discuss. And because of the duration of the talk, it couldn't be helped that some of the audience got bored (or if they weren't they certainly looked like it from the video). I liked the whole speech in general. I never knew that Bill Gates was such a philanthropist and a humanitarian. Well with tons of cash, he should be (tons of cash is an understatement). Kudos to him for giving out a talk which doesn't normally follow the usual pattern of graduation speeches wherein the speaker patronizes the university or gives the graduates some jaded advice on how to face the real world, advices which after a year or two become unusable and forgotten. Instead, Gates talked about conquering humanity's biggest problem and our biggest issue. Caring is simply not enough. I loved how with all honesty he challenged the audience to look for a problem, cut through the complexities and work for a solution. I think the message is so timely, with the current earthquake disaster hitting Japan. And I thank him for giving out that message, and although he didn't speak to me directly, his speech made me realize what I really want to do in my life. It fuelled my passion which I've been looking for so long. It fortified my belief that the path I'm going to take within the few months is really the right path for me. I know it is. :)

Part 1 of the speech can be watched here and the rest can be found on the same site as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP5VIhbJwFs&feature=fvwrel

Go ahead.
Be inspired.

Why Do People Think I'm Smart?

Why do people think I’m smart?

…is it because I talk in English often? Nah. Blame cable TV. I had an early jumpstart when it came to HBO, Cartoon Network and MTV when my mom decided that we’re going to be the first household on our street to ditch Filipino soap operas for foreign TV when I was 10. And when you get addicted to the tube at an earlier age, English slang gets imbued to your brain subconsciously. This plus working in a call center for 3 years talking to Americans 8 hours a day (or more) for 40 hours a week (or more),  it’s no wonder you even talk to stray dogs in English.

…is it because I love to read books? Not exactly. I love to read books only when there’s nothing good to watch on TV or there’s no new porn available on the net. Besides, I don’t have a cabinet chuck full of books, well not yet. It’s good to exercise your brain once in a while and expound your vocabulary beyond the conventional cuss words. Besides, my sister loves to reads books. Well pocket books that is, and I don't hear anyone calling her a rocket-scientist either.

…is it because I got good grades when I was studying? That’s because I did study, when absolutely necessary not, because I’m smart. I graduated with honors when I was in elementary and high school because there wasn’t enough people to choose from who didn’t drink and engage in premarital sex (I got started on those two way to late, but that’s a different story). And you should’ve seen my innumerable 4’s and 5’s when I was in college. See? I’m not smart.

…is it because I write in complete sentences? Shouldn’t we all? In this day and age where jejemon and textspeak is deemed normal and acceptable by today’s urban youth, someone’s got to preserve the foundations of basic, sane and normal communication. I want to uphold what the earliest homo sapiens fought hard to achieve; the use of a subject and a predicate in a sentence. Tell me, is that too much to ask?

…is it because I watch weird films? Do I really have a choice? Just because I prefer to watch Kurosawa and other Asian art films or prefer watching “Schlindler’s List” over “Dude, Where’s My Car?” or “One More Chance” does not mean I’m smart; it means I have good taste in films. I know better than to waste my already impaired vision on poor cinematography or abuse my hearing with bad cliché lines.  My time is better spent analyzing the significance of Spielberg’s chrome choice in his films rather than wondering if Richard Gutierrez will end up with Rhian Ramos or Lovi Poe. “You had me at my best, she had me at my worst…” gosh, I’d rather gargle liquid nitrogen.  

…is it because I’m not athletic? Heck no.  Why do people automatically assume that just because I know nothing in handling a ball nor do I know who Blake Griffin is, I’m suddenly a geek or math wiz? People should realize that geeks can be athletes too and vice-versa. Look at Craig Breslow, a football player who has a degree in molecular biophysics from Yale under his belt. The line drawing nerds and jocks apart is slowly becoming blurred. I’m not athletic because I’m physically thin, I’m afraid of the sun and I’m lazy. Period.

…is it because I love techy stuff? In the modern century everybody should embrace technology. Let’s face it; these gadgets will ultimately dictate the course of humanity in the next few decades. It’s important for everyone and I mean everyone, smart and not-so-smart alike to be fully aware on how to harness the technological prowess of today’s modern inventions. Besides, you don’t see me lining at the Apple® store to get my latest Steve Jobs fix now do you? I don’t consider myself techy smart, just technologically up-to-date.

…is it because I look like a nerd? Okay, just because I don’t have the looks of the latest Korean boyband members and just because I don’t moisturize or comb my hair (often), some would automatically assume that I’m smart. I’m indifferent. I don’t care how I look like as long as I’m wearing clean underwear. Society has this definition that people who don’t comb their hair, has socks that don’t match their shoes or wear glasses are introverts who have an IQ of 300. Hello? How about Natalie Portman who’s a Harvard graduate or James Franco who attended graduate school at Columbia? They don’t look like smart but they are. As for me, I ain’t smart; it’s just that my fashion sense is totally non-existent.

…is it because I ask people…a lot? I ask people a lot because I’m curious and is just naturally nosey not because I’m smart. I want to know what’s going on in their lives or if they have a problem that they’re willing to share. I ask a lot because I want to learn all sorts of things. I ask a lot if in case they have a hearing problem and they don’t hear the first time around I ask them and just because I’m naturally makulit.

…is it because I talk to myself? I have this sick habit of talking to myself when I’m thinking out loud. I think this does not make me smart, just borderline schizophrenic. Right Al? Right! Wait what are we talking about again? I’m just saying that at times you talk to yourself. I don’t talk to myself. Yeah you do! No I don’t, I’m just thinking out loud. See?

Why do people think I’m smart? Or are they just plain stupid?LOL

I'm not smart, and yes i'm not kidding.

Gusto Ko Ng Matamis

“Gusto ko ng matamis…”

Iyan ang pumasok sa isip ko bandang alas dose ngayong hatinggabi. Naisip ko na parang may kulang at may gusto akong gawin at matikman ngayon. Kanina pa rin naman kumakalam ang sikmura ko sa gutom. Ewan ko ba. Hindi naman ako galing sa isang physically extraneous-activity. Nakaupo lang ako sa sofa at nag-bubrowse sa internet.  Kakakain ko lang naman kaninang mga alas otso ng hapunan, kahit na kung tutuusin parang tanghalian ‘yun para sa akin kasi pangalawang kain ko pa lang yun ngayong araw. Kaysa naman matulog ako ng gutom, napagdesisyunan kong lumabas at bumili ng makakain. Basta ang nasa isip ko, gusto ko ng matamis.

Nagbihis ako at nagsuot ng jacket. Ayoko kasing “exposed” ang katawan ko kapag lumalabas. Marami akong isyu sa katawan ko kasi payatot ako. As in payat, underweight at mukhang malnourished para sa 5’8” na height ko. Ewan. Alam ko naman dati pa na payat ako dahil nasa lahi na din kasi namin; payat ang tatay ko at kuya ko. Hindi naman naging malaking isyu sa akin ‘yun dati pero ngayon habang tumatanda ako isa siya sa mga pinakamalalaking insecurity ko sa buhay. Hindi ko masuot ang mga damit na gusto kong isuot dahil walang akma sa size ko. Hindi ako makapag-enjoy sa beach kasi ayokong mag topless. Kapag may gustong makipag-meet sa akin, nahihiya ako at nagbaback-out dahil baka ma-turn off lang sila sa itsura ko. Pakiramdam ko, ang dami kong namimiss sa mundo dahil sa insecurity ko sa weight ko. Ang mas nakakafrustrate pa doon, alam kong kaya ko siyang baguhin kung may pera lang ako para mag gym at bumili ng weight supplements at kung may sipag lang ako. Sipag, ayun, kulang na kulang ako nun.

Pagbaba ko ng hagdan, nakasalubong ko yung nakatira sa 2^nd floor sa baba ng apartment ng kuya ko. Ngumiti naman ako at nagpasintabi para makiraan, para hindi naman nila ako mapagkamalamang snob at suplado. Suplado ba talaga ako? Sabi ng iba kong pinsan oo. Hindi ko kasi sila masyadong kinakausap at kapag may bumibisita sa amin pagkatapos ko silang batiin nagkukulong agad ako sa kwarto ko. Minsan nga hindi talaga ako nagpapakita kapag alam kong may bisita. Hindi talaga ako sanay makipag-socialize sa mga taong alam kong wala akong in common with. Ano naman ang pag-uusapan namin di ba? Makakausap ko ba sila tungkol sa gender equality at religious tolerance o kaya tungkol sa oligodynamic effect ng mga heavy metals? Iba kasi ang trip ko sa buhay, at kakaunti lang ang nakakasakay sa mga trip kong iyon. Sabi naman ng mga kaibigan ko approachable at ma-PR naman daw ako. Kaya hindi ko na tuloy alam ang paniniwalaan ko tungkol sa social skills ko. Tingin ko naman mabait akong tao, baka mahiyain lang talaga.

Paglabas ko ng gate napansin kong umaambon pa din. Basa at maputik ang aspaltong  daan kasi umuulan buong araw pero mas OK na sa akin ang ulan kumpara sa sobrang init na panahon. May something special sa rainy at gloomy weather na gustung-gusto ko talaga. Ang sarap kasing magmuni-muni sa ulan. Oo ako na talaga ang emotero.

Dahil dis oras na ng hating gabi wala ng malapit na tindahang bukas na pwedeng mapagbilan ng masarap at  matamis na pagkain. Bigla kong naisip na may 7-11 naman sa bungad ng street namin. Oo nga pala 7-11! Ito ang tanda ng sibilisasyon. Kaya gustung-gusto ko talaga mag-stay over dito kila kuya dahil pakiramdam ko nasa sentro ako ng syudad dahil maraming pwedeng gawin at kainan kumpara sa tirahan namin sa North Caloocan; sa village namin na kung saan kapag hatinggabi puro baka, kalabaw at puta na lang ang  mga nasa daanan. Ay teka, kahit nga pala may 7-11 mahaba-habang lakaran pa din iyon dahil wala ng tricycle ngayon. Pero okay lang ‘yun kumpara mo naman kung saan talaga ako nakatira na kung saan trenta minutos ka pa sasakay sa jeep para lang makapunta sa pinakamalapit na 7-11. Saka ok lang din maglakad, malay natin may makasalubong tayong cute at malay natin may mangyaring maganda. Hehehe…wishful thinking…

Sinuot ko ang hood ng jacket ko at naglakad. Wala pang 1 minuto may nakikita na ako sa malayo na isang lalaking papunta sa direksiyon ko. Nakapayong siyang dilaw at nakaporma na parang galing gimikan, mapostura ika nga. Tiningnan ko siya, aba…pwede! Tiningnan niya rin ako. Shit! Pagkatitig niya sa akin, yumuko na lang ako at ngumiti. Tae. Hindi talaga ako sanay makipagtitigan sa isang tao. Nakaka-conscious kasi. Alam ko naman na I’m not much to look at kaya hindi ako lumalaban ng titigan. Ayun, tuluyan na siyang nakalampas at lumakad ng palayo. Sayang! If I have enough self-confidence para makipagtitigan sa kanya e di sana nalaman ko kung game ba siya o hindi. Malay natin pwede pa lang siyang tikman. How I wish. Hay nako talaga.

Hala sige lakad pa. Kahit maputik ang daan at umaambon ambon pa okay lang sa akin. Matiisin naman akong tao. Ito ang isa sa mga traits na gusto ko sa sarili ko. Basta ang alam ko gusto ko ng matamis. Alam ko na. Gusto ko ng ice cream! Ice cream on a cold rainy midnight. Oo akong ako na talaga ang emotero ngayong gabi. Buntung-hininga. Uneventful na ang paglakad ko papuntang 7-11, wala na kasi akong ibang nakita at nangyaring interesting. Sayang talaga si ‘”cute umbrella guy”. Bwiset na self-confidence yan, kailan ka ba tataas?

Mga sampung minuto pa, natanaw ko na ang mga ilaw na hinahanap ko. Nakita ko na rin ang pinaghalong green at red sign ng lugar na tatapos sa hindi maipaliwanag kong craving ngayong gabi. Pagpasok ko wala masyadong tao. Wala din yung cute na sales attendant na lagi ko nakikita sa umaga. Bwiset. Napakanormal naman ng gabi ko. Dumiretso agad ako ng beverage section. Uminom kaya ako ngayong gabi para ma-feel ko talaga ang pagka-emo? Pwede. Punyeta wala ng tanduay ice. Pwede naman akong mag-red horse kaya lang walang yelo kila kuya, wala ngang refrigerator e. Hindi ko kaya ang redhorse na straight, dahil mababa ang tolerance ko sa alcohol. Nag-aastang manginginom lang ako. Mukhang masarap din yung vodka mocha kaya lang pagtingin ko ng presyo, p 89.00. Gusto ko sana subukan kaya lang naisip kong kailangan ko nga palang magtipid. Isang buwan na akong walang trabaho dahil sa biglaang desisyon kong tumigil sa trabaho ng dahil sa prinsipyo: prinsipyo na ang pagtulong sa kapwa ay hindi dapat sinusukat. Talaga lang Al? O baka excuse mo lang yang prinsipyo eklat na yan sa katamaran na naramdaman mo noon. Ewan ko ba sa sarili ko. Minsan hindi ko na rin alam ang gusto ko talaga.  Hindi ko na lang binili yung vodka kasi naisip kong walang bottle opener din sa bahay. Comfort thought ko na lang ‘yun para hindi naman ako manghinayang. Para hindi ko na lang maramdaman ang awa sa sarili ako at para hindi ko ma-realize na hindi na ako kasing yaman tulad ng dati.

Dahil gusto kong magsugar overload bumili ako ng Chips Ahoy!® at Cornetto© ice cream. At saka dahil naramdaman ako ang kagustuhang magsulat ulit ngayong gabi, bumili din ako ng ice cold coffee para magising pa ang kaluluwa ko. One last surveillance check sa place bago magbayad at ayun! May cute na nasa counter nagbabayad. Mas maliit lang siya kaysa sa akin, pero ayos ang pangangatawan. Maaliwalas ang mukha niya, maganda ang mata, balbon.  Ang problema lang may lumitaw na isang brigada ng mga beki sa likod niya at sigurado akong iisa lang iniisip namin, kaya hinayaan ko na lang sila maglaway dun sa cute. Sa kanila na lang siya, as if naman papatulan sila noon. Hindi ako nanggi-gay bash. Bilang kasapi ng pederasyon ano naman ang karapatan ko di ba? Ayoko lang talaga ng competition, masyadong ma-effort. Gusto ko yung mga hindi kumplikadong sitwasyon. Tamad nga ako di ba? At pagtapos kong magbayad, natural lumabas na ako ng 7-11. Tumingala ako sa langit at naramdaman kong umaambon pa din.

Sa wakas, masasagot na ang craving ko ngayong gabi. Pagkalabas na pagkalabas ng pinto sinimulan ko nang alisin ang pabalat ng Cornetto©. Nanginginig-nginig pa. Hahaha Hindi maayos ang pagkaka-alis, barubal ang pagkaka-open…parang bata lang. Wala na akong pakialam, gutom na ako e. Alam ko na “end goal” person ako hindi “means”; hindi na importante kung paano ko maabot basta ang importante makuha ko ang gusto ko. At ang nasa isip ko lang noong mga sandaling iyon ay kumain ng ice cream para matapos na ang malungkot na gabing ito. Unang kagat ko pa lang sa ice cream gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko. Parang for the first time parang naging tama ulit ang mundo. Ang babaw no? Sabi ko nga, ako ang emotero ngayong gabi.

Naglakad na ako pauwi. Feel na feel ko ang pagkain ng ice cream habang nakahood ako sa ilalim ng ambon. Ang sarap talaga ng pakiramdam kapag nakuha mo ang isang bagay na gusto mo. E yung taong gusto ko, kalian ko ba makikita at makukuha? Bigla ko tuloy naisip, nung napagdesisyunan kong aminin na bisexual ako akala ko magiging madali na lang ang lahat para sa akin. Hindi rin pala. Alam ko na rin namang matagal na attracted din ako sa lalaki. Dalawang taon ang nakakalipas nagkaroon ako ng sexual encounter sa kapwa ko kasarian at nagustuhan ko ‘yon. Pero hindi na siya naulit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hinahanap hanap ko pa rin iyon kapag nalulungkot ako. Akala ko nung nagdesisyon akong mag-come out  magiging madali na ang makahanap ng karelasyon dahil umamin na ako sa sarili ko. E bakit single pa din ako hanggang ngayon? Ano ba ang kulang? Alam kong kulang ako sa self-confidence. Hindi kasi ganun kadali magkaroon noon. Bakit ba kasi kumplikado ang buhay? Kumplikado nga ba o ginagawa ko lang kumplikado? Sana maging madali na lang ang makahanap ng partner. Parang yung craving ko ngayong gabi lang. Sana pwede din ako maglakad sa putik at ambon papunta sa isang tindahan para makabili ng magmamahal sa akin. Pero alam kong hindi ganoon ang buhay.

Ayan, wala pa ako sa gate ubos na yung ice cream. Ambilis naman niyang maubos, hindi ko man lang namalayan. Nalungkot ako ulit pero at least hindi kasinlungkot gaya kanina. Lahat talaga ng mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa atin may hangganan. Gusto ko pa sanang bumalik sa 7-11 at kumain nang kumain ng ice cream hanggang umaga pero naisip kong tama na yung isa. Wala na din kasi akong perang pambili at medyo malayo na yung nalalakad ko. Na-realize ko na hindi rin naman masasagot ng isang libong Cornetto® ang mga isyu ko sa sarili ko. Tama na yung na-satisfy yung craving ko ngayong gabi.

            Nakauwi na ako ng bahay at ngayon kaharap ko ulit ang computer na mga kalahting oras ang nakakaraan ay siya ding kaharap ko. Ang dami palang pwedeng maisip habang kumakain ng ice cream sa hatinggabi sa ilalim ng ambon.

Kumakalam ulit ang sikmura ko.

Pumasok nanaman sa isip ko na gusto ko ng matamis…