Dear God,
I don't even know how to begin. I must say first of all that I'm sorry that I haven't spoken to you in a very long time. I can't even remember the last time I said a prayer or dare mention Your name. And when I do mention it, it's always in an angry voice or in a cuss word. I know it's wrong and for that God, I'm greatly sorry. I really am.
I'm very ashamed to admit that I can't even remember the last time I said something nice to you. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I said something about you. I guess when I got older I became independent. I realize that I can do whatever I want. I can believe in anything I want. I began to realize that P did not need You in my life. Because things happened in the way I never wanted them to be, I forgot about you. Or maybe, I chose to forget about You. I thought that praying and believing in a God was some sort human weakness. Logic and reason thought me that I have to deal with things on my own. I thought praying was like admitting that we are weak to handle things on our own and praying was like asking someone to do things for us. I thought that idea was kinda stupid since we as human beings should be able to do things on our own. But now I know that, that too is stupid, because You were here first. You are everything.
I know there is no excuse for what I did and You should have every right to not take me back in, but I know You won't do that...because when a wayward son loses his way, as father You rejoice when he finds his way back to You. I'm in one way or another, like one of your prodigal sons. Having thought of taking on the whole world with what little he has, he sets out and loses everything. He questions himself and he goes back to his father. I thought I can take on the world. I thought I knew everything but I realize now that I don't. I don't know anything. I don't know what to do Lord. I'm lost. And just like a lost son I'm coming back to You to give me my life's instructions.
I have to admit though that I have to do this one day a time. As you know, I'm bad with big drastic changes. But I do admit now that I need your help and that's what's important. I can't do this on my own. I know I have to find my back into You one step at time. It won't happen over night I'm sure but I'm willing to take the journey back into Your purpose no matter how long it takes. I believe that with Your instructions I'll be able to live not MY life but A life.
So I guess all I want to say in this Lord is I'm sorry. I'm sorry Lord for not talking to You for years, for putting You and my faith in the background. I've done things I'm not proud of but I'm sure You already know that. I promise to keep You in my life from now until You take it.
Your wayward son,
AL